[never. happy]

I'm new to this kind of stuff so I'll come straight to the point.
I'm 19 years old, live in India and my life sucks. I'm good at nothing. I am a very dull guy, but people think that otherwise, which is annoying. Right from when we was little till now, from 7th grade to be accurate, my mother didn't let me do anything but send me to get groceries, and my dad pressures me to hit the gym even if I wanted to play sports. I don't know whether this is the reason why I am weird and stuff, but its all I could think about, even during classes in college.
It bothers me so much that my whole childhood was murdered by my parents. So much that I slit my wrists about a year ago(I made sure they didn't find out), cause it had affected my grades and everything else. And now my parents always show affection towards my elder sister compared to me, and they always have from the start. For example, I would be told I would get something I asked for if I got good grades, but often end up not getting what I want and I don't ask for anything big. On the other hand, my elder sister gets what she wants without any of conditions, even with bad grades. Because of all this, I now have no confidence, or anything else for that matter. It just hurts so bad that I silently cry... Everyday almost, and once turned hysterical too.

Possible trigger:

It just hurts so bad that I wanna kill my self again.

Not one day has passed in the last 9 months that I thought of ending it. I just can't live like this anymore. I need help...

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central never happy. Sorry you are in such extreme distress. Most people will contact their therapist or psychiatrist when they have suicidal thoughts.

A safety plan is important.
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan for suicide Samaritans.com may have offices that service your country.

Many people here get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist with meds that can help stabilize things. Some people at PC will find a therapist will help them sort out the roots of their life.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[wa(o)rrior]

Dear Friend

i can understand how difficult this must be for you. you can never explain why your parents show partiality. for them your sis may be something special because its what their mind has been conditioned to believe. you are almost 19 and when you finish your college you can find a job and move out. just imagine the life you'll be experiencing after that. you can have fun, you'll get new friends, you can have money to spend as you like. just hang in there...

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by wa(o)rrior

Dear Friend

i can understand how difficult this must be for you. you can never explain why your parents show partiality. for them your sis may be something special because its what their mind has been conditioned to believe. you are almost 19 and when you finish your college you can find a job and move out. just imagine the life you'll be experiencing after that. you can have fun, you'll get new friends, you can have money to spend as you like. just hang in there...

Thanks a lot wa(o)rrior. I really appreciate it. But like i said earlier, I'm good at nothing and really slow. It takes me 30 mins to do what other people do in 20 or 15.