[Ccook81390]

I'm not one to reach out for help online, but I've yet to find someone in my life who can relate to what I'm going through. I've been combating depression for as long as I can remember.

I've had a pretty rough upbringing as far as traumatic events are concerned. My father became a drug addict when I was 4, so my parents got divorced. My dad was an amazing person, he was caring and did everything he could for my sister and I, even at the expense of his own well being, but he couldn't kick his alcoholism and drug habits. Around the time I turned 20 I slowly started seeing my father die. He lost a ton of weight, started losing the use of his legs, and started having seizures. He ended up in the hospital one day and the doctors told us he wouldn't live much longer. Once he came to I got to spend a little time with him, but he ultimately ended up passing while I was out of state.

When I was fourteen my favorite uncle suffered from severe depression and ended up

Possible trigger:

killing a man and then killing himself.

Needless to say, my past is pretty dark.

For years I've had trouble with emotions. I feel apathy or anger/sadness. Very rarely do I find myself feeling any sort of jollity. It's affected my relationships with almost everyone in my life. I can't open up and always feel like I'm putting up a façade. I've put on a mask of false optimism with the mind set of "fake it till you make it" for so long that I don't remember what it's like to be happy.

Now it's getting to the point where I psycho analyze everyone and I've come to realize that social interactions are bland and predictable, just mindless cries for attention or projections of people's insecurities. So I avoid social interaction as much as possible. And that makes me more sad. It's like an endless cycle that I don't know how to break.

Im not really looking for pity or anything. I'm here asking for a solution. If anyone has one, I'm all ears.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[gayleggg]

I would suggest therapy. I could help you work through your past in a non-judgmental atmosphere. It could help change those thought patterns that leave you feeling sad. I know therapy doesn't work for everyone but it sound like in you case it could help.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Ccook81390

Im not really looking for pity or anything. I'm here asking for a solution. If anyone has one, I'm all ears.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Hi,

I'd suggest looking at these notes to see if that's what's going on in your head:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

Here's what I think is the best overall plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[Fizzyo]

Hi thank you for sharing and your honesty. Gaylegg may be right, though not everyone's cup of tea, therapy can help you understand your reactions to life which also helps when undertaking some of the practical suggestions from Vital. I hope you find what you need.
Best wishes

[Killian Hook]

I agree with Gayleggg in that you might want to consider therapy.

It's understandable you want to avoid social interactions anymore with all you have been through.

But isolating from others has never been a good experience for me. I remember a comedian I once heard say, "If you meet an adult who says he has more than ten friends, you KNOW he's counting co workers." But the truth is that I have used meetup.com and lots of other media, and have made almost 40 friends in the last year, people I trust and can call whenever I need help. It is work to find them, but good people are out there.

[Fizzyo]

Hang on in there