[lenjan]

Michael Dell never imagined his work would end up in a museum when he was sitting in his college dorm room in 1984, dreaming of building and selling his own personal computers. Now, one of his original computers is going to the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of American History.

The 42-year-old chairman and chief executive of Texas-based Dell Inc. donated a collection of materials Wednesday to the Smithsonian, including his employee badge, one of the company's newest computers and a PC Limited computer from 1985.

Michael Dell is my age.

GOD, I feel insignificant.

One of my classmates from my first go-round at college now writes a column for ESPN.com. Another is director of communications for Pacific Bell.

And me? Toiling away for a midsize daily in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, of all god-forsaken places.

I never have been able to reconcile what I think I should have been with what I ended up being. I always end up feeling like an abject failure.

My last pdoc tried to buck me up by saying that based on where I started from, with the abuse and whatnot and then the depression, I'm actually doing very well -- at least comparable to the people who *didn't* have that background and have achieved success. I loved him for trying, but I never bought it. I'm a solid 10 years behind my peers and I'm the only one to blame for it.



Would love to hear from anyone else who beats themselves up for this. Misery loves company and all that.

CB

[Perna]

I have 15 years on you and things get better as you get older. Your life starts to make more sense and there are fewer regrets as you see it making its own "personal" sense. What other people are doing quits being quite so important. Too, a big thing at that, there's lots of time left and you don't know that you won't happen upon something new/different like Mr. Dell. Remember, he didn't realize how "famous" he'd be when he was in college either, was just doing what he liked to do. Anyone can do that much and who knows what will result until it does. It's not all "planning" or even "hard work" but just plugging away at what you enjoy doing/learning.

[heyjoe]

i OFTEN feel like a mosquito encased in amber. IM stuck where i was 6 years ago and the world has moved on. People get promoted, good retirement jobs while i have trouble even walking. If its any consolation I dont like Dell computers at all...haha.......dont minimize what was said to you by your therapist, its not a level playing field.....you have been weighed down and had a lot to overcome.....do your best, its all you can do.

[sabby]

Sometimes I'm disappointed at where I am in my life too. But, then I realize that no matter where I am compared to others, what I have learned along my journey was important to me and my life. I may not be a trailblazer or a mover and a shaker, but the things I have done with my life and in my life are equally as important as those who have been in the right place at the right time with just the right know-how.

It's so true that as you age, comparing yourself to others just doesn't matter anymore. We outgrow the ideas of having to keep up with the jones'. We realize that where we are, we were destined to be. Make the best of what you have, be happy for what you have. When you are sad for what you don't have, you are wasting precious time and taking away from the good things in life!

(((((((((CandyBear))))))))))) You are special and worth cutting yourself some slack.

Hugssssss
J

[EJ711]

Candybear,

To compare is to despair.

Does anyone ever really recover from abuse in early childhood?

Besides you are using a worldly standard of success to measure your worth.

In my opinion all that matters is that you are where God wants you to be. Only He knows everything we have been through, and what we are up against in our daily challenges.

Please try to be kind and gentle to you.

Hugs,

EJ

Who knows what type of people this succesful people are? Considering the raging violent drunk I use to be, the fact that I "FEEL" for others now is my life time success. I dont care how succesful someone is, I'm only interested in their hearts! If someone is kind and compassionate then I want that too, if someone has some multi million pound job then good luck to them but it dont make me envy them. We live with our hearts, we die with our hearts, that is where success lies.

[AlteredState01]

, EJ.

It is hard not to compare ourselves with the standards recognized by the majority of the Western population. I, too, often feel dispair as a result of my "situation." I had a promising future, then it all came tumbling down. I have never recovered from it.

What I have gained, however, is much more precious to me, even though it is not what I thought I wanted.

I still may not be where I want to be, but at least I know WHO I am and can recognize quickly, what my true intentions are in a given situation. I don't think the majority of people can truly say that about themselves.

AS

[EJ711]

Candy,

God doesn't care if anything we do winds up in the Smithsonian, as long as our heart has been in the right place in our lives.

Mouse's comments prompted this post.

Hugs,

EJ

[Direction]

Work is about all I'm good for the rest of my life is a mess! Even though I've achieved in that one area - it doesn't really help the mess.

CF - have ex relatives that use to live there and a college buddy.

I know what you mean Candybear but there are a lot of people your same age who haven't achieved a lot of the things you take for granted. Give yourself credit, a pat on the back a d a hug from me. ((((((((((Candybear)))))))))))

[lenjan]

I've spent my whole life feeling invisible to others, and I want something tangible to leave behind and show that I was here taking up space on the planet and I did something worthwhile. It's not about being "famous," it's about being noticed, and then remembered.

God has 6 billion other people to take care of and I'm sure I'm not on his mind, but that's another post and forum.

CB

(((((((((Candybear))))))))))) I know what you mean. But what can we do? I guess we can only be there for each other. God or the rest of the world may not notice but maybe if we can get just one person to. One person to care-that's all we'll need.
I see you Candy and I think you're a wonderful person. You have a sense of humor, you are kind and you deserve good things to come to you in your life. God sees you too. And I 'm pretty sure that he's giving you some God hugs...
{{{{{{{{Candybear}}}}}}}}}}}

[PlanningtoLive]

I understand Candy, the need to be recognized as having done something worthwhile while alive. I think God sees everyone, but maybe doesn't always have the time (another forum for that though). I am currently unemployed (yet again) and watching things begin to crumble around the edges.

Things have to improve for both of us! Take care.

Mary Alice