Darkness

I feel like I am in the darkest place I have been in quite some time and I know there are factors playing into this but it hurts so much not sure I really want to go into it. I wrote something to my therapist this morning:

You said You can do this You have everything you need You need to believe it.. I believe you but I don't believe it why can't I do this I think I love myself but if I did I would fight I am so confused. I feel like all the fight in me has gone out of me maybe for the last time. I know you feel my hurt the best you can understand... I feel so very messed up I am trying but I am truly to tired for this anymore. I pray I can see you Thursday for so many reasons. I don't know what else to say at this point...

My therapist wrote back: You are over thinking. Visualize yourself crawling up on God's lap and just being held there. Let Him be your strength. He knows all about you and your daughter. He has a plan. A good plan. Stop thinking and rest in His truth. Breathe. Everything she says is right but I can't seem to turn of the negative thoughts I have right now it as if I don't want to listen to someone I know is speaking the the truth...

Seems like I want to suffer or even feel I should suffer I couldn't be more messed than I am right now. I just want to put how I am feeling out there right now I know there is nothing anyone can do for me but I also know people on PC understand and will not judge or criticize me so harshly as the general population would. Thanks...

i'm sorry for your sadness. i hope you can open up again to your t, she is trying to help you on a spiritual level if thats ok with you, she probably knows its ok and thats a good start.good luck