[justwalking]

Just needing to vent a few things.



Been a rough couple of weeks. Been doing what needs to be done but it seems like no use. I keep falling further and further behind.

Work has really gotten me down. I made a mistake and the boss turned it into a big deal. Got wrote up. Every week I get farther behind with my bills. I simply don't make enough to cover it.

My daughter lives with her mother and I have no problem paying my support and insurance on her. (The money never gets used for my daughter and there is nothing I can do about it. But that is a whole other topic which I won't go into here) Paying this reduces me below a living wage. I am having to eat rice and beans and my ex goes on 2 cruises a year. Then has the gall to call me complaining that I need to send more.

Still alone almost 99% of the time. I have reached out to groups about my interests(hiking, photography, books), old friends, and even churches. Not a single one of them has even tried to reach back. The groups never meet. Old friends just say no they are too busy. And the churches always want me to come to services as long as it is about raising money for them. This has made me feel more isolated.

I am still having problems with my blood pressure and that seems to be aggravating my Muscular Dystrophy. Of course, the doctors have no answers as usual.

Today while driving my route I had to pull over and walk away for about 30 min. I just pulled to the side of the road, left my phone, locked up the van, and walked into the brush. I just felt like I was going to come apart.

I'm angry that my life has gotten this messed up. I'm frustrated that I am alone even though I put myself out there. I'm scared that this what my life will be from here on out.

I don't like it.

[vital]

Originally Posted by justwalking

Just needing to vent a few things.

Been a rough couple of weeks. Been doing what needs to be done but it seems like no use. I keep falling further and further behind.

Work has really gotten me down. I made a mistake and the boss turned it into a big deal. Got wrote up. Every week I get farther behind with my bills. I simply don't make enough to cover it.

My daughter lives with her mother and I have no problem paying my support and insurance on her. (The money never gets used for my daughter and there is nothing I can do about it. But that is a whole other topic which I won't go into here) Paying this reduces me below a living wage. I am having to eat rice and beans and my ex goes on 2 cruises a year. Then has the gall to call me complaining that I need to send more.

Still alone almost 99% of the time. I have reached out to groups about my interests(hiking, photography, books), old friends, and even churches. Not a single one of them has even tried to reach back. The groups never meet. Old friends just say no they are too busy. And the churches always want me to come to services as long as it is about raising money for them. This has made me feel more isolated.

I am still having problems with my blood pressure and that seems to be aggravating my Muscular Dystrophy. Of course, the doctors have no answers as usual.

Today while driving my route I had to pull over and walk away for about 30 min. I just pulled to the side of the road, left my phone, locked up the van, and walked into the brush. I just felt like I was going to come apart.

I'm angry that my life has gotten this messed up. I'm frustrated that I am alone even though I put myself out there. I'm scared that this what my life will be from here on out.

I don't like it.

Hi Justwalking,

When I was depressed, I found socializing to be really difficult. Even if you can do it, people will sense that something is wrong and it will make them uncomfortable. I think that this very often makes making new friends or picking up with old ones to be pretty difficult.

I don't know if you want advice, but what helped me is really understanding what depression is and how it works

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

I don't know anything real about MD, but it's pretty clear that how that's going might be affecting your mood one way or another.

Sometimes, when people get really unhappy with what's happening in their life, they can suddenly change. This always makes me think of Eckart Tolle's stuff:

- vital

[Nina Simone]

I am so there with you. It seems like the fog will never lift. I myself am going through a lot right now. We can't let the depression win. I come here to PsychCentral so I don't feel alone. There is always someone with a kind word and good advice that will help me make it through. Use this as part of your support network.

Your blood pressure being high is not a good thing. If your doctor is not helping maybe you need a new doctor. Have you made changes to your diet? Could one of your other medications being increasing your blood pressure? Your medications can also be making your depression worse.

I hope things get better!

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry for all you are going through. I sounds really rough right now. I'm also having troubles making ends meet financially. And have medical problems with no answers. I hope things improve for you. Focus on your little girl and keep reaching out. I know that it is hard to find a place that fills our social needs but they are out there. Maybe you could do some volunteer work. I did that for a while and really enjoyed it. Hang in there.

[justwalking]

Thanks for your replies!

I am in the process of getting my Blood Pressure down. (trying to find something that works) And I have switched doctors, well switched physician's assistant.

I am just taking it a day at a time. Reaching out when I can. Been thinking about taking a second job somewhere to increase my income, but my current employer has on-call duty which prevents that. But I am looking for a solution.

Thanks again. You guys rock!