Living is becoming a burden

I'm currently on vacation, and my major occupation is to spend my whole day in front of my computer, while other people (the socialy active people) are enjoying the precious time they have as young and energetic humans.

I wonder where I screwed up. I don't seem to have had a traumatizing childhood, nor genes that prone me to social illness, but the fact is I can't stand people. I don't know who to blame : them or me ? Everytime I'm on their vicinity, it's like all my strenght is being absorbed. What frustrates me even more is that, sometimes, very rarely, I happen to be very sociable and cheerful. So I can be like that, but how ? How am I supposed to maintain that state long enough to finally enjoy life ?

Hi Kamiomi,

This might help:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital

I identify with what you have said so much. There are differences, quite a bit of them but oh so many similarities.

Not really on vacation more of an all-around state of being but true.

True, so very true.

Its not that I can't stand people just can't stand to be around them.

I don't really know who to blame but I know who I end up blaming - myself.

Every time I'm in their vicinity it is more like all my strength and all my courage just seeps away.

Its more being sociable and managing civility/tolerance than cheerful, yes.

...and you've struck gold. One of the biggest questions of my life.

Hmm... I have dissected your post, turned it all about me, am I selfish yet? If I leave it here, probably yes.

Among the many things I'd like to say...

You are not alone
You are not alone in your suffering, not alone in leading this differential existence. Not alone in questioning, not alone in being due to the unanswerable quality of it, entirely too miserable.
Does that help even a little bit? I hope so as I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart intend it to be.

Also, for being one of the biggest questions of my life it is one for which I have startlingly few answers.
I have my good days, I have my bad days. I can only hope for and work towards more of the good and less of the bad and hope for similar for you.

You won't always be as tired or as frustrated with life. You've mentioned being on vacation. A vacation is the time for a break, a time for rest. Maybe you need a break from being sociable too along with the general pressures of your daily life.
Be sociable if/when you want to but similarly, if you feel unsociable remain unsociable as long as you are content to. Be whatever and however you want to be as long as your fulfilling one main point of your vacation - rest and rejuvenation.
Let other 'more socially active' people have their pursuits. As long as you are enjoying this time in your life, even as your activities are vastly different, carry on.

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From one 'misfit' to another, be yourself. You are worth as much as any other human being, even if you don't feel you are like them. You don't know what's under their sociable smiles either.

Maybe they're not worth your energy. Stay true to yourself.

Some people drain my energy more than others. I used to think it was just because I was very, very introverted. I am definitely introverted, but I found the thing that drains my energy is when I feel like I can't be myself. Constantly hiding how I feel makes social interaction difficult. I actually like being around people, I just have to feel safe with them and somewhat comfortable before I can open up. Certain people drain my energy no matter what I do and I try to limit my time with those people.

A very sensible plan! Be yourself and spend time with people you feel safe with.

I understand this