[Jadenmia1]

I literally can't live this way anymore.. I know that the way I feel isn't 'normal'.. But I don't know where to get help.

Sometimes I go through weeks of being motivated, full of hopes and dreams, I make plans, I'm happy, confident and everything is okay. Then I will fall quickly into a rut.. I sit around and stare into space, I feel out of control and lost, depressed, no energy at all to even try pull myself out and most of all angry. I don't leave the house and feel constant guilt for my children.
Then it will go away and I start being happy again. It's a horrible cycle.

I saw a doctor who put me on ativan for anxiety, I saw a therapist who didn't help after 6 months so I quit going..

I'm in a never ending cycle of being up and down and I can't take the depression ruts, I feel like I just want to sit around and cry

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Have you considered posting on the Bipolar forum? "being motivated, full of hopes and dreams" sounds like it could be hypomania.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Jadenmia1

I literally can't live this way anymore.. I know that the way I feel isn't 'normal'.. But I don't know where to get help.

Sometimes I go through weeks of being motivated, full of hopes and dreams, I make plans, I'm happy, confident and everything is okay. Then I will fall quickly into a rut.. I sit around and stare into space, I feel out of control and lost, depressed, no energy at all to even try pull myself out and most of all angry. I don't leave the house and feel constant guilt for my children.
Then it will go away and I start being happy again. It's a horrible cycle.

I saw a doctor who put me on ativan for anxiety, I saw a therapist who didn't help after 6 months so I quit going..

I'm in a never ending cycle of being up and down and I can't take the depression ruts, I feel like I just want to sit around and cry

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Hi Jaden,

Here's my best stuff for that. These notes:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

and some suggestions:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

No everyone realizes it, but being angry or feeling guilty all the time can be part of depression. - vital

[Jadenmia1]

Thanks for the input guys, it is appreciated!!
Breadfish, I fit a lot of bipolar symptoms, but surely my counsellor or therapist would have picked up on something like that. And I don't feel confident enough to see a doctor and say I think I am bipolar.. I have told them over and over something is wrong but I feel they don't listen or just class it as somewhat normal.
Thanks for that vital. I love the snap idea!! Il be giving it a try..
I do feel on autopilot a lot of the time. Like I have so many things I want to do, but don't have the energy to ever do it.. I just feel so so hopeless and unsatisfied

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[Tauren]

Originally Posted by Jadenmia1

Thanks for the input guys, it is appreciated!!
Breadfish, I fit a lot of bipolar symptoms, but surely my counsellor or therapist would have picked up on something like that. And I don't feel confident enough to see a doctor and say I think I am bipolar.. I have told them over and over something is wrong but I feel they don't listen or just class it as somewhat normal.

No, they wouldn't pick up on it if you don't tell them. They're not psychic. If you only tell them about your down times and not your up times, how would they know? You have to tell them about both.

I also have the problem that psychiatrists seem to think my depression is boring. I avoid seeing them. My primary doctor is way more interested in my mental health than any of the shrinks I've seen.

DON'T GIVE UP.

[Jadenmia1]

Originally Posted by Tauren

No, they wouldn't pick up on it if you don't tell them. They're not psychic. If you only tell them about your down times and not your up times, how would they know? You have to tell them about both.

I also have the problem that psychiatrists seem to think my depression is boring. I avoid seeing them. My primary doctor is way more interested in my mental health than any of the shrinks I've seen.

DON'T GIVE UP.

Thankyou. I think the problem with my therapist was that I only really went to see her when I was doing good. I would only ever call to see her when I felt better, when I get in a crappy rut, just picking up the phone to book myself in seems impossible.
I would let her know of my breakdowns, and she did once ask how often I would go 'up and down' .. She said it was most likely just cycling in and out of depression.

I also have never felt comfortable telling my doctor any of this.. I'm wondering if I should call the mental health clinic here in town. That would maybe be a start.



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[Tauren]

It sounds like maybe she has some criteria for how often you have to go up and down for it to be considered bipolar.

I hope you do call the clinic. And I hope you can talk to your doctor, or find a doctor your more comfortable with. I'm not sure if you mean you aren't comfortable talking to THAT doctor for some reason, or just any doctor. But I can promise you one thing: All doctors have heard this before. They won't judge you for it.

[Jadenmia1]

Originally Posted by Tauren

It sounds like maybe she has some criteria for how often you have to go up and down for it to be considered bipolar.

I hope you do call the clinic. And I hope you can talk to your doctor, or find a doctor your more comfortable with. I'm not sure if you mean you aren't comfortable talking to THAT doctor for some reason, or just any doctor. But I can promise you one thing: All doctors have heard this before. They won't judge you for it.

Thanks again
It will be a huge step for me to call the clinic, I fear putting myself in that situation to get help may lead to getting my children taken away or something.. Im also scared that a diagnosis of that sort would make my husband think differently of me.. Although, he has put up with me for this long, who knows. He too often asks me why I can suddenly switch. 'Just like that'. From being the happiest person, to being a raging 'woman on a war path' as he calls it.

Sigh.

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[Tauren]

They can't take your children away just because you're depressed. I know TONS of parents who are in treatment for depression. They can't take them unless you can't care for them or are harming them.

As for your husband, I don't know him but when I was diagnosed my boyfriend at the time was like, "OH, now it makes sense!" My experience is that most people are understanding about it, although to be fair I live in a place where about 1/3 of the polulation has seasonal depression.

[avlady]

i hope you call the clinic

[Sesiley]

Make a trip to the hospital

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[cannon]

Originally Posted by Jadenmia1

I literally can't live this way anymore.. I know that the way I feel isn't 'normal'.. But I don't know where to get help.

Sometimes I go through weeks of being motivated, full of hopes and dreams, I make plans, I'm happy, confident and everything is okay. Then I will fall quickly into a rut.. I sit around and stare into space, I feel out of control and lost, depressed, no energy at all to even try pull myself out and most of all angry. I don't leave the house and feel constant guilt for my children.
Then it will go away and I start being happy again. It's a horrible cycle.

I saw a doctor who put me on ativan for anxiety, I saw a therapist who didn't help after 6 months so I quit going..

I'm in a never ending cycle of being up and down and I can't take the depression ruts, I feel like I just want to sit around and cry

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dont be alone-get a cat or a pup-caring for it will put things into perspective.good luck

[Jadenmia1]

Thankyou all for the input, I'm going to go through all my journals in the past year and take note of all the mood swings and discus it all with my doctor.
Very anxious.. But thanks again.

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