[depressedbutterfly]

Ok so I have this friend well not sure now. Anyway she's my best friend, only friend. She got me a job and has just started a new job somewhere else. I have been applying for jobs as my partner lost his job and I do 16 hours. It happens that I had an interview today at the place she just started. I met her through a different job. So she thinks I'm following her I can see why. Anyway she says I guilt trip her into seeing me. Sometimes I do send her texts about worries, problems or how low I'm feeling. But alot of the time I just text to see how she is. I get no reply. Anyway yesterday she started her new job I didn't know this as we hardly talk anymore. She put something on Facebook and being a little paranoid at the moment I sent her a lot of texts to find out if it was about me. She wouldn't answer then today she sends me this..........

Do you realise yesterday you never once wished me luck, have a great day or even asked me how my first day was? Only that YOU got an interview. You, you, you! Why are you applying for a job where I work? I take it your not going back to wilkinsons then? So therefore you don't appreciate everything I have done for you to get the wilkinsons job? Making sure your name was at the top of the pile, putting in A LOT of good words for you.
And here's one for you would you even be applying for nine group if I was still working at wilkinson? And why are you applying for a full time job anyway when you can't even cope with a part time 12hr one? You said yourself that you're getting mirgrains, dihareoa, kidney infections, panic attacks, depression. Full time is just gonna make it worse!

Is it because I'm there? You said yourself you're not trying to 'follow' me but clearly you are...
This is the third time you have tried to guilt trip me into seeing you! You always make me feel bad and you know you're doing it! Thats not what friends do.

That Facebook message wasn't even about you yesterday and you went absolutely crazy! it was really scary! Text after text, call after call! And I can't have that volume of messages when I'm working here...
I have worked hard to get this job and it something I need to focus on.

[depressedbutterfly]

I'm planning on sending this back I don't want to lose her so can you see if this is Ok....

Right Ok I have been nice. I've apologised. I listened and I've acknowledged what you said. I've taken responsibility for my actions and have taken steps to rectify them. I still want to be your friend cus I love you, but I do feel I need to get my point across. Fistly I need to make sure you know this isn't guilt it facts and my opinions. I have not followed you (not intentionally) job 1 I didn't know you when I applied. Job 2 wilkos you said it yourself you got me the job. Job 3 nine group you told me there were vacancies, if you didn't want me to go for it you should have said there wasn't any. Better yet tell me you don't want me to I would have respected that. Would I have stayed at wilkos? No g***** lost his job and the job he has now is four weeks long. If you had worked there your whole life I would have left eventually I don't like living where I'm not safe. Not affording to see my family. So no I wouldn't. Can i hold down a full time job? Probably not (unintentional guilt alert) but a lot of my stress is from lack of money, in a ideal world a full time job would solve my problems. I mean living of pasta flavoured by an oxo cube is hardly the food of the rich. I don't want another food package from the salvation army. I want to be able to give them one. But I'm not ready for a full time job, I will be though. Depression doesn't go away over night it takes years. I'm not going to tell you my problems as I don't want to talk about myself, but the things I have mentioned are just scratching the surface. I'm sorry I didn't ask how your day was but I didn't actually know until I.saw it on Facebook
I meant what I said though about being proud ( did you get that text??) Ok so the last few months not so good. (sorry doing it again) I never meant to make you feel guilty. I know you think i did but that's your opinion. Can i ask why do you think that? Why do you think i would need to? As you have made it clear I won't be contuing my application with nine group. The thing about following you as got to me. I don't understand why I would. I've been applying for months. Do you think if I had a nice office job I would leave to join you at wilkos? What if a got that job at areas? Or at lister communications? ( the one I had an interview for two days before wilkos) please!! Sorry for all the texts I was worried and I have been ill lately ( sorry me,me,me right?) I want to be friends so let me know. If not then I genuinely wish you every success in your new job and you won't hear for me again.....

[shamon86]

So I can see both sides here. It's important to remember that there is NO wrong or right, how you feel is how you feel and how your friend feels is how they feel.
I'm in a situation right now where I feel like I'm not getting enough support from my best friend, and really my only friend. She is very focused on herself right now and I'm still struggling to make it through the day. I'm at a point now where if I want to keep being friends I have to say something or just let it go.
It sounds to me like you're being pretty honest with your friend. If you stick to the facts, which it sounds like your trying to do that's probably the best thing. If your intention is still trying to be friends, as an opinion you may want to rephrase some of your harsher statements ( as you've made it clear I won't be continuing my application etc. Asking him/her the question of "would you feel more comfortable if I withdraw my application?") Just some thoughts. I hope all goes well for you and you are able to stay friends!

[jackielunaaa]

she has to understand that anxiety does that, it makes you worry and you need constant reassurance. also, if she thinks your "obsessed" with her, she probably talks about you behind your back. what makes her so special for you to be "obsessed" with her? and obviously she doesn't understand your situation. how you need money, SUPPORT, reassurance, and empathy. she doesn't seem to understand that your illness is real and you're not doing it to "make her feel guilty". she's making this about herself when clearly YOU'RE the one who needs a good friend. just let her go and find someone who understands. I know it's a little far fetched, but honestly, other people with mental illness are the best people to befriend because they understand you and support you. hope this wasn't harsh. I've just seen this situation a million times and it makes me angry how girls just do that to their mentally ill friends. you deserve better.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Tauren]

Are you sure you're friends? It doesn't sound like it.

[Shamrock76]

Since I became ill, I have lost many friends. One in particular who has been my friend since we were 14 hasn't hardly asked me how I am. Yet when I do see her, she chats away about what a fabulous time she's having (without me). She is self obsessed and selfish.

As Tauren says, be careful who you honor with the term 'friend'.

[BreakForTheLight]

Do you really want to be friends with someone like that?

And it does sound like you are being very clingy. I understand the need for reassurance but constantly asking for it will only chase people away.

[nikimcn]

having friends and having a mental illness is hard, IMO. I have no advice other than hang in there, and do what's best for you and your situation. if she's causing more stress get outta there.

[depressedbutterfly]

Thankyou everyone. I did rephrase a lot of the stuff to be honest I think she has moved on. That's Ok I hope she does well. And is happy. And I will probably still be there when she needs me cus I can't stand to see others in pain. I've decided it's best to find support from people who are trained and paid to do so. Then I won't feel as much of a burden. If she still wants to be friends then I won't say no. But I plan on when I'm in a better place to make new friends. And maybe one day we can get back to how we were. I do understand where she is coming from. I have been very clingy and hard to be around I bring people down. I'm in two minds.about how I should go forward do i paint a smile on my face and pretend everything is perfect in front of her. Or do i think we'll neither of us have been very supportive. Perhaps we could be. I don't know but I will wait for her to approach me. And I won't be trying to make new friends until I have dealt with my issues professionally.