Don't know what to do anymore

I'm not sure why I'm even gunna write this post, but here goes. I've been struggling with depression for several years now. I also have anxiety and get panic attacks. I come from a kind of a messed up family, though I'm not sure anyone really cares about it. Anyways, I've been questioning lately why I even try anymore. After everything life's thrown at me, why am I still here?

I've been through abuse, from family and relationships, addiction, friends committing suicide, etc. I know bad things like these are just a part of life, but it's too much sometimes.

Currently I'm sitting home alone for a four day weekend. My mom went to Mexico a week ago with her boyfriend and my dad went to Hawaii with some girl. My brother is off with a friend all weekend and my other two younger siblings are staying with my moms friend. I called in "sick" to work today because I couldn't even get out of bed. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just started my 8th year of soccer and I already wanna quit. School is miserable, even though it's my senior year and I have easy classes. I don't really talk to any of my friends anymore. And my boyfriend, well, we've been together almost 11 months and he's been so good to me, I hate that I have to drag him into all this. I wish I could just be happy and forget everything. But I can't.

I'm glad you posted, and the past year I've been feeling pretty lonely myself. The feeling not knowing what to do is the worst. I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this. Many of us are going through or have been through these feelings so we can sympathies. I also don't think you are dragging your boyfriend through anything. He is there on his own free will. Are you currently under any treatment?

please get some professional help !!!!! it sounds like it to me that you're overwhelmed about life in general. it happens to the best of us.im like that too but im in treatment now . my therapist and I we get along . whenever I have a crisis on my hands I call my therapist whenever she is available to talk to me . I too have anxiety and depression . I was diagnosed by my therapist last year when she did her intake interview with me and again w the psychological evaluation that she had done to me last year w ptsd .





Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistaril 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

Thank you for your reply, it's nice to know that other people out there understand. And no, I'm not on any medication. About a year ago my 15 year old brother kind of went through a phase. He was diagnosed with anxiety, but took everything a little too far. My parents made sure he was getting medication and going to therapy, but then he decided to tell the school counselor that he was going to kill himself. He also was self harming (as were all his friends). So the counselor freaked out and they called 911. My brother was in the ER for over a day, when they decided to send him to a facility over an hour away. Our health insurance wasn't great at the time, and so the ER visit, ambulance ride to the facility, and his week long stay there overwhelmed my parents. I think they're still paying it all off. It was a traumatic experience for the whole family. I myself was going through a tough time, and after several years of dealing with my anxiety and depression alone, i had reached a point where I wanted to talk to my parents about it and seek help. But then the whole thing with my brother happened. I didn't wanna cause more trouble for them. My parents are separated and that whole thing somehow managed to make things even worse between them. I'll be 18 in December, so I'm just waiting until then to seek help for myself.

You could call United Way at 211 and explain your situation and ask if they could refer you to someone who could explain how (and if) your situation is going to change any when you turn 18. If you live with your parents and are covered by their insurance and are claimed as a dependent on their income tax returns, it's not a given that things will be any different when you are 18.

It also may be the case that there may be some low-cost additional insurance your parents could get that would give you and your siblings better coverage.

Also, they should be able to refer you to some low-cost mental health resources if you want them to. If you have a primary care doctor who's understanding, that would also be a good person to talk to.

I can understand your concern about parents dealing with the expenses that your brother incurred, but this is an important year for you. There are a lot of life decisions to be made, and being depressed and anxious all through your senior year sounds miserable.

It sounds totally understandable to me that having your whole family disappear on you on this holiday weekend would bring on increased anxiety and depression.

I understand what you mean about senior year. It's been a long time since I was in high school, but I turned 18 early in the school year like you're going to, and I think being a little older than most of my classmates made senior year seem like one repeat too many in lots of ways.

You can always come talk to the people here on Psych Central. It's a good spot for venting.

I can understand that you are worried about the cost. I'm currently seeing a counselor who makes the cost of the visits very cheap. It is a faith based center, but luckily they do not try to push their religion onto me. I bet that where you live have some low cost places for you to go too.

My ex use to go to a clinic that provided her with the medicine she needed at a low cost as well. I wanted to ask you another question. Do you have someone that you can talk to about this? Meaning someone who could possible help you find help or who might know the situation for mental health care in your area?

No, I don't really have anyone to talk to about these things, that's why I came to PC. I think I will try to find a therapist or someone soon though, thank you.