[kingv]

Hello,

I have been feeling weird for 1 year or so and i have no idea why.
I feel like everything i do doesn't matter and this world is fake and ultimately leads us nowhere. I eat but i don't feel fed, i drink but i don't feel satisfied, even breathing air doesn't satisfy me, it's some kind of boredom. I have no feelings for nothing and no one around me, i feel like everything i do is pointless and everything i see like people arguing or talking or enjoying themselves are limited to this world, and that they don't see more, they don't want more, they don't want to experience and explore something more. I've no intention of doing anything to hurt others because i don't feel that the actions from this dimension matter. Ohh yeah i forgot to say i believe there is another world/dimension one in witch we are godlike, we can do anything and we can interact with other beings. I don't know if this is depression because i laugh and i know i can still have a part of me that feels things in this world, and so i enjoy moments, but after they are gone and i am with myself, thinking, i realize the moments don't matter, they are there for a purpose but I've no idea what that is. I am looking for information. Why am i feeling like this? Why am i experiencing this? Sorry for my grammar and any mistakes.

[francisR]

hi Kingv

I was wondering whether you are experiencing emotional numbness where you cannot really get satisfaction from most things. If so, this is quite common in depression. And it usually goes. When depression lifts. To get a really good fix on this. It might be best to see a clinical psychologist.
Yes I do believe there is another world the afterlife. Where we would be totally transformed as people and incredibly happy.
I was wondering whether you thought having a consuming passion in life, which could be a charitable cause or the reconnection with something that fired you up in earlier times will give meaning to life for you? Take care. I hope and pray your day will be really good. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[JohnCrow]

Allow me to throw in some Jethro Tull, specifically Skating Away

Well, do you ever get the feeling that the story's
too damn real and, in the present, tense?
Or that everybody's on the stage, and it seems like
you're the only person sitting in the audience?

When I heard those lyrics I was, like, whoa....

It sounds like you have dysthymia

From Mayo Clinic

Dysthymia (dis-THIE-me-uh) is a mild but long-term (chronic) form of depression. Symptoms usually last for at least two years, and often for much longer than that. Dysthymia interferes with your ability to function and enjoy life.

With dysthymia, you may lose interest in normal daily activities, feel hopeless, lack productivity, and have low self-esteem and an overall feeling of inadequacy. People with dysthymia are often thought of as being overly critical, constantly complaining and incapable of having fun.

Dysthymia symptoms in adults may include:

Loss of interest in daily activities
Sadness or feeling down
Hopelessness
Tiredness and lack of energy
Low self-esteem, self-criticism or feeling incapable
Trouble concentrating and trouble making decisions
Irritability or excessive anger
Decreased activity, effectiveness and productivity
Avoidance of social activities
Feelings of guilt and worries over the past
Poor appetite or overeating
Sleep problems

Is this impacting the nail? Dysthymia is rarely incapacitating, like some more severe depressions, but it takes away the joy from things. Being tired is one thing, I have been exhausted but loving what I was doing. Tiring you out just a bit and then sucking joy out? That is hell

[kingv]

Thank you francisR for all the good wishes and JohnCrow for an idea of what i could probably experiencing.

My state is a very weird one, I can laugh (I'm the so called joker in my team at work, I can make almost anyone laugh ), I can enjoy life and everything it throws at me, or should I put it a bit more deep, what I threw at myself, but it only satisfies me for the moment. I am calm and I control my emotions, or at least try to do so to the very best of my abilities. I don't have bursts of anger nor joy, whenever I start feeling something I think about some other experiences and what does this life really mean, and I realize they don't really matter, if I'm gone, I'm gone and this is all a show, I don't really have a strong idea of why we are alive but I am searching for answers within me. I eat, sleep, laugh, do all the things I do in life because my body craves them, but on a spiritual level I feel like these things are meaningless. I don't experience helplessness or guilt or any other symptom of Dysthymia because I know that these are human emotions, and I guess I want to control myself and learn to be at peace and balanced with everything involving feelings. Also I have no physical or health issues, I sleep well, I rest, I go to a non-stressful job, I am balanced. I've talked to a psychologist and he couldn't understand me, he only believes in what the brain creates and what the books taught him. I'm talking to people, I'm asking around if they have felt the same things as I do and I try to get some answers, so I communicate and interact with people around me yet I still feel like this.

If you do have any more ideas about what could be going on in my head or heart please let me know.

Thank you for your support, and as last time, sorry for any spelling mistakes.