[CosmicRose]

Couple of months ago I broke up with a great man who took me out to places and was my emotional rock. During our relationship I was suffering from major anxiety because I have an anxiety disorder. I also realize now that I was pushing him away a lot because I've never had a good relationship before and I was terrified of it (apparently that's common with Adult Children of Alcoholics like me). I tried to get him back but he said "I don't know what I want right now. I don't want you to wait for me when I go on deployment because when I come back I don't know if I want to, or if I meet someone else later." Ouch.

I also really hate my job and every day is a struggle just to do the work. I'm planning on saving up enough for a down payment and hopefully move to another state in 2 years, but then I'll have to get another job.

I feel so alone. I have no friends. I only have 1 sister and 1 niece and my dad. I don't talk to any other family members. My sister and my dad don't like talking to me because I keep asking them what I should do or what direction I should take in my life and they get tired of saying "I don't know, you need to make that decision, not us." But they won't even help me with ideas, they just keep saying I don't know and then walking away. Then they get mad and yell at me if I tell them they aren't helping. I have no support. I'm scared. I'm depressed. I pray to angels I don't even believe in at night and say things like "Please god take this anxiety away from me. Please angels help me get through this life, I don't think I can handle it."

I can't believe I broke up with the one guy who could have helped me. I can't believe how stupid I am sometimes. He wanted to marry me, I could have been saved by him like a knight on a white horse and I broke up with him! Now it's just me alone again and in the exact same position that I have been for years. Depressed. Can't afford college. Working a crap job that no one respects. Constant anxiety. Agoraphobia. No friends. 22 and wasting away with no life. Hopelessness. Pessimism. Shaking because of anxiety. Paranoia. Worst of all, I turn to alcohol when I get nervous which is a trick my alcoholic mom taught me at 14.

I need advice. Something to make me feel better. I feel like I was a mistake and someone else could have lived my life so much better. Can't believe I broke up with him. Now he's totally over me, because I'm such a screw up and he knows it.

[vital]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

Couple of months ago I broke up with a great man who took me out to places and was my emotional rock. During our relationship I was suffering from major anxiety because I have an anxiety disorder. I also realize now that I was pushing him away a lot because I've never had a good relationship before and I was terrified of it (apparently that's common with Adult Children of Alcoholics like me). I tried to get him back but he said "I don't know what I want right now. I don't want you to wait for me when I go on deployment because when I come back I don't know if I want to, or if I meet someone else later." Ouch.

I also really hate my job and every day is a struggle just to do the work. I'm planning on saving up enough for a down payment and hopefully move to another state in 2 years, but then I'll have to get another job.

I feel so alone. I have no friends. I only have 1 sister and 1 niece and my dad. I don't talk to any other family members. My sister and my dad don't like talking to me because I keep asking them what I should do or what direction I should take in my life and they get tired of saying "I don't know, you need to make that decision, not us." But they won't even help me with ideas, they just keep saying I don't know and then walking away. Then they get mad and yell at me if I tell them they aren't helping. I have no support. I'm scared. I'm depressed. I pray to angels I don't even believe in at night and say things like "Please god take this anxiety away from me. Please angels help me get through this life, I don't think I can handle it."

I can't believe I broke up with the one guy who could have helped me. I can't believe how stupid I am sometimes. He wanted to marry me, I could have been saved by him like a knight on a white horse and I broke up with him! Now it's just me alone again and in the exact same position that I have been for years. Depressed. Can't afford college. Working a crap job that no one respects. Constant anxiety. Agoraphobia. No friends. 22 and wasting away with no life. Hopelessness. Pessimism. Shaking because of anxiety. Paranoia. Worst of all, I turn to alcohol when I get nervous which is a trick my alcoholic mom taught me at 14.

I need advice. Something to make me feel better. I feel like I was a mistake and someone else could have lived my life so much better. Can't believe I broke up with him. Now he's totally over me, because I'm such a screw up and he knows it.

Hi CosmicRose,

The scariest thing I heard you say by far is the bit about alcohol. Please consider how many people's lives have been absolutely destroyed by alcohol. You know what to do.

As for your situation with your ex bf, not liking your job, being hopeless and so on, give yourself a little bit of time to recover and just drop thinking about your bf and job and prospects. When you're feeling bad, it's a good time for a spiritual awakening. You might like this, for instance,

If you are feeling hopeless or depressed, I really think "SNAP CLUB" is a good thing to do:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4299822-post117.html

This will also keep you in present moment awareness. See the top of the thread for more details and post #105 for what I think is the best general plan if you're depressed.

- vital

[Nammu]

It sounds like co-dependacy issues from growing up in a dis functional family. I'd suggest a finding a therapist who can help you realize that you can not find the solution though others. No boyfriend, father or sister or another person can save you. They can offer quite support and a listening ear, but they will need you to stop expecting them to tell you what to do. Tell them what you need is for them to listen, only. Only you can do that. The right therapist can help you find your own strength without you becoming dependent on them.

[iancurtis]

Hello CosmicRose,
Foremost, alcohol will never help to solve any of your problems, it will only make things worse and in the end, you'll only have regrets with zero progress made. Secondly, your family members will never help solve your problems because they also don't understand you completely and also have their own problems to deal with. Third, people will not get you from your current predicament because you understand yourself better than them.

My suggestions:
Seek professional consultation from an expert and explain how you feel about the way you live your life and how/which areas you'd like to see some changes and what changes you think will make your life more enjoyable.

Second suggestion, regarding your economic life, I believe that no one should be stuck in a job that they don't like. To drive that across, what was your hobby while growing up? Do things that you like doing even if the payout is less because people thrive by doing things they're passionate about and that's how new ideas are born, problems solved which in return become more rewarding in multiple ways than they initially thought.

Changing your lonely life:
You said that you've no friends. All of us require great degree of interacting with other people, its how we discover our identities and place in the society. Being social sometimes helps cure things like insecurity, self pity and loneliness. Go out there and meet people whether in a church, local clubs for things that you like and start with baby steps.

[CosmicRose]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

It sounds like co-dependacy issues from growing up in a dis functional family.

I never considered myself codependent but reading my post again, it seems pretty obvious. I keep leaning on others, like my ex-boyfriend or my dad or whoever else, because I apparently believe I can't do it alone. Thanks for pointing that out to me. Gotta research ways to stop being codependent.

You sound like a perfect candidate for therapy.

I deal with some of the issues you do - namely agoraphobia and isolation. I seem to go the opposite way when it comes to looking to others for support though; I just don't look to or expect anything from anybody. I'm sure there's a middle ground between us and it's probably important to find that. Nobody can save us from ourselves but it's important not to cut everyone out too (as I have). Some therapy may help with the balancing act but even just becoming aware of it is a great first step. A friend or two you can exchange ideas with both ways might help too even if they're just online. The good news is that you're catching it so early in adulthood - not that changing it is a walk in the park, but still good news. Good luck!

[Trosky6708]

I had something similar happen with a gf during college. Had a mental breakdown. Ended up still getting an accounting degree. I battle anxiety, depression, antisocial & avoidance stuff. i dislike my degree, atter graduation i drank a lot as well b/c of my depression. Staying sober you have a better chance at fighting off what's going on with urself. along with therapy & medication if you & your doctor believe that's what's best for yourself.

College can lead to a better economic standing in life. But may not always be the best for some. I tried getting a patent for an idea I had after college and failed after 10 lawyerS. A year later a kid from the same city made the idea into 4.7 million. This is the point where I started sobering up. No more 5ths of very high proof liquor. I didn't want to get a job & work as a petty accountant (I'm already depressed enough as it is). I sold all my belongings for capital, spent the past year studying risk management & currently trade stocks as my income. And the way I trade has absolutely nothing to do what I learned in college.
You can be what you want to be in life, I sought a higher education through myself & now I don't have to answer to anyone.
It may take time getting through your current situation & I sympathize because I was once in a similar one. At times you may think the bad is out weighing the good in life & become overwhelmed, but if you just hold on I guarantee you some good will be tossed your way. Sometimes a little sometimes a lot. But sometimes you're are going to have to bust your butt to make your own good in life. And when you do it will be that much more rewarding.

I hope you feel better & lots of hugs.

[pinkflower17]

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

Couple of months ago I broke up with a great man who took me out to places and was my emotional rock. During our relationship I was suffering from major anxiety because I have an anxiety disorder. I also realize now that I was pushing him away a lot because I've never had a good relationship before and I was terrified of it (apparently that's common with Adult Children of Alcoholics like me). I tried to get him back but he said "I don't know what I want right now. I don't want you to wait for me when I go on deployment because when I come back I don't know if I want to, or if I meet someone else later." Ouch.

I also really hate my job and every day is a struggle just to do the work. I'm planning on saving up enough for a down payment and hopefully move to another state in 2 years, but then I'll have to get another job.

I feel so alone. I have no friends. I only have 1 sister and 1 niece and my dad. I don't talk to any other family members. My sister and my dad don't like talking to me because I keep asking them what I should do or what direction I should take in my life and they get tired of saying "I don't know, you need to make that decision, not us." But they won't even help me with ideas, they just keep saying I don't know and then walking away. Then they get mad and yell at me if I tell them they aren't helping. I have no support. I'm scared. I'm depressed. I pray to angels I don't even believe in at night and say things like "Please god take this anxiety away from me. Please angels help me get through this life, I don't think I can handle it."

I can't believe I broke up with the one guy who could have helped me. I can't believe how stupid I am sometimes. He wanted to marry me, I could have been saved by him like a knight on a white horse and I broke up with him! Now it's just me alone again and in the exact same position that I have been for years. Depressed. Can't afford college. Working a crap job that no one respects. Constant anxiety. Agoraphobia. No friends. 22 and wasting away with no life. Hopelessness. Pessimism. Shaking because of anxiety. Paranoia. Worst of all, I turn to alcohol when I get nervous which is a trick my alcoholic mom taught me at 14.

I need advice. Something to make me feel better. I feel like I was a mistake and someone else could have lived my life so much better. Can't believe I broke up with him. Now he's totally over me, because I'm such a screw up and he knows it.

Personally, I don't think you can ever depend on anyone to "save you". You need to save yourself. No one can "make" you better. You can get over this, you can move on, you can find someone else, or who knows, maybe you'll end up back with him, but you need to find it within you. Don't depend on something outside of you. Alcohol won't make it better. Nobody else is going to make this better. You can make this okay.

It sounds like you're depressed. I just broke off a 5 year engagement. I get that. Maybe you need an antidepressant short term. It would probably help treat your anxiety disorder as well. But there are lots of other things you can do. Try journaling your thoughts instead of always asking your dad/sister if they're sick of hearing it, join meet up groups, go to a local church and get involved with that (it sounds like you have a religious belief system), try to find the good in your job, look for a new job, get some exercise every day. Eat well. Watch funny tv/movies or read books that make you laugh. Make a box with songs, quotes etc that bring you up when you're feeling down.

There's a lot you can do. Don't let yourself be a victim. Some of this may sound harsh, but I let myself be a victim for far too long and it cost me a lot. I don't want that to happen to anyone else. Take care of yourself. You can get through this.

[Frk68]

Hello Cosmic Rose
Being sober now for two years and understanding how self medicating myself with alcohol to feel better which I learned from my father is very self defeating and prevented me from growing up emotionally.I have joined two 12 step programs for help.Alcoholics Anonamous which has taught me all I needed to know to realize how distructive alcohol has been and Al Anon which is helping me understand the affects of being raised in an alcoholic home.I was dependent on an alcoholic father and then my wife who I am now seperated from.Myexperience working on myself is a must before trying to be in a healthy realationship.I have found Al Anon a great place for emotional support.I became a part of a we which really helps me.I was researching acoa when I found this site.I identify with your story and thx for posting it.Believe it or not you are fortunate to be so young and knowing you have a problem that needs to be addressed.There is help out there.Don't self medicate it only creates more problems.Thx again

[Tauren]

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but that guy couldn't have saved you. No one can do that. You have to do it yourself.

[CosmicRose]

This thread is a few months old, but thanks for the new replies. I'm doing better now. I don't lean on alcohol, I probably have 1 drink about once a week, if that. Its only when I go out partying that I "lean" on alcohol. I know others cant really save me from my own anxiety issues, unfortunately.