[StillIntending]

As anyone who has ever read any post of mine knows, I have the bestest best friend in all the world. :3
But he has a girlfriend, who also has depression. And her depression has gotten really, really bad of late. So bad in fact that she is taking basically 100% of his time and energy, to the point where he doesn't even have time for himself anymore. So. Well. He doesn't have time to keep up with me hardly at all. We've talked about it some. I've been angry with him, illogically of course, because I know he can't help it. Currently what I really want is to find some way to maintain a relationship with him that is not composed of quick emotional catch up sessions. I want my friend more than I want an unofficial therapist. And so that's something I'm working on.
Not that he's abandoning me. He's not. We get together in person at least once or twice a week, and generally don't go over a day without texting. But he's not nearly as present as he used to be, not nearly, and that has taken a tremendous toll on me. He knows it has and he feels a lot of guilt about that. I tell him that I can't say it's ok, because it's not, but that I don't blame him and I know that it isn't his fault.
Side note, I'm also really scared that his own emotional state will fall apart under the weight of his girlfriend and me. Almost two years ago but not quite, he was hospitalized for depression himself, twice. He's still taking medication in fact. So I'm worried about him too here.
Anyway. What was my point here.
I guess that just, other people are basically necessary for mental health, and I'm not saying that other people will necessarily ever leave you. He is certainly still present in my life. But. Other people are not medicine. In the end, it's still you and depression. No one else can fight that battle for you.

[Dern]

Hello, StillIntending. After reading most of your posts, to say you are in a difficult predicament is an understatement.

Do you regularly exercise? Mindfulness meditation may be helpful (look online).

Is college in your future? If so, make sure the institution has mental health support.

What is the age of emancipation in your state? Once you are considered an adult, you may be able to get help from the social services in the county of your residence.

I am assuming without knowing you want professional help. You are a person of value. Be your best advocate. Find a way to get the help you need.

I wish you well.

[waterknob1234]

Wow, all of you have a lot going on. I suppose the best thing is to be there for your friend and hopefully he can be there for you. Mutually support each other and lean on each other. Also, do you have other friends you can reach out to or that can reach out to you? It is good to have more than one friend to lean on. Also, we have to understand that people can love us and still let us down sometimes because we are all human.

Also, is there a trusted adult you can confide in for help?

Depression is a beast that can feel overbearing, and it takes a battle to overcome. Sometimes you get tired of fighting the battle but you can't give up.

Are there activities or hobbies you can get involved in? I know it helps me to get out and do stuff. Problem is, depression can make it hard to motivate yourself to do things.

I know it is hard when you are leaning on someone for help and that person is so burdened by someone else's trouble that they can't be that helpful to you. Best of wishes. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[francisR]

hi StillIntending

What might work best is for your friend to help the girlfriend get the best possible medication and therapy so that her depression can improve.
Perhaps continuing to make allowances and bearing with him till things improve with the girlfriend would be the best way forward.

All that can be done is to keep praying that his health will hold out to doing what he has to. You are right in saying that at the end of the day the battle with depression has to be fought by ourselves, but others can help.
There is Nami the organization for the mentally ill and they run peer to peer support groups which would give you extra support at this time and new friends. You can Google them and contact them to see if they run this service in your area. I hope and pray everything improves for you soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by Dern

Hello, StillIntending. After reading most of your posts, to say you are in a difficult predicament is an understatement.

Do you regularly exercise? Mindfulness meditation may be helpful (look online).

Is college in your future? If so, make sure the institution has mental health support.

What is the age of emancipation in your state? Once you are considered an adult, you may be able to get help from the social services in the county of your residence.

I am assuming without knowing you want professional help. You are a person of value. Be your best advocate. Find a way to get the help you need.

I wish you well.

Oh, heh, you read all of those? Whoops. There's a lot of rambles in those.

I try to excersice, but I still can't drive myself to the gym, so I have to rely on my mother, who is constantly too busy to go... But I try. And I haven't done too much mindfulness meditation, although I do like to listen to music and think about only the notes as a way to shut my brain up.

It looks like we're considering a gap year for me, so I have two years until either going off to college or going to a community college here. I tend to hope I go away for college. I think the distance from my parents would be helpful.

I recently turned 17, and I will be an adult at 18. As soon as that happens I suppose I can at least look into professional help, although cost will be an issue at that point.

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

Wow, all of you have a lot going on. I suppose the best thing is to be there for your friend and hopefully he can be there for you. Mutually support each other and lean on each other. Also, do you have other friends you can reach out to or that can reach out to you? It is good to have more than one friend to lean on. Also, we have to understand that people can love us and still let us down sometimes because we are all human.

Also, is there a trusted adult you can confide in for help?

Depression is a beast that can feel overbearing, and it takes a battle to overcome. Sometimes you get tired of fighting the battle but you can't give up.

Are there activities or hobbies you can get involved in? I know it helps me to get out and do stuff. Problem is, depression can make it hard to motivate yourself to do things.

I know it is hard when you are leaning on someone for help and that person is so burdened by someone else's trouble that they can't be that helpful to you. Best of wishes. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

There is no one else. That's part of the reason I rely so much on him... he is the only person in my life who has ever been this close to me. I knew that it would make me vulnerable, and obviously, it has. I still wouldn't trade it though. There's no adult that I can go to, unfortunately.

I try to "have a life" outside of depression, but yeah, it's really hard. Sometimes I think that if I ever had a life, depression took that away from me, too. But I try.

Originally Posted by francisR

hi StillIntending

What might work best is for your friend to help the girlfriend get the best possible medication and therapy so that her depression can improve.
Perhaps continuing to make allowances and bearing with him till things improve with the girlfriend would be the best way forward.

All that can be done is to keep praying that his health will hold out to doing what he has to. You are right in saying that at the end of the day the battle with depression has to be fought by ourselves, but others can help.
There is Nami the organization for the mentally ill and they run peer to peer support groups which would give you extra support at this time and new friends. You can Google them and contact them to see if they run this service in your area. I hope and pray everything improves for you soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Both of my friends are on medication. I'm the only one whose depression is currently still secret, actually. I think you're right about what to do, in fact, I'm taking steps to do that. It just still hurts to.

Thank you everyone. This is (obviously) a very hard time for me, and knowing that people care is very nice.

[vital]

Originally Posted by StillIntending

...
Both of my friends are on medication. I'm the only one whose depression is currently still secret, actually. I think you're right about what to do, in fact, I'm taking steps to do that. It just still hurts to.

Thank you everyone. This is (obviously) a very hard time for me, and knowing that people care is very nice.

Hi Still,

You're welcome StillIntending. I do care.

I'm a little concerned that you're about to start on antidepressants without having tried safe healthy ways to try to feel better. Taking a pill is easy, but what typically happens is it works for a while and then stops. You might then be stuck still depressed, but now unable to stop taking it without really crashing. Antidepressants can have serious negative affects on your health. I hope you have a good M.D.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi Still,

You're welcome StillIntending. I do care.

I'm a little concerned that you're about to start on antidepressants without having tried safe healthy ways to try to feel better. Taking a pill is easy, but what typically happens is it works for a while and then stops. You might then be stuck still depressed, but now unable to stop taking it without really crashing. Antidepressants can have serious negative affects on your health. I hope you have a good M.D.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

No no, I'm afraid you misunderstood. Both of my friends are on medication... I am not, and with my depression still being a secret like it is, I won't be getting any medication myself any time soon. I would like to have a prescription for Prozac, as I know that the function of that particular drug is more natural than other antidepressants. But that's in the future. I'm definitely trying every natural mood booster I can think of/find on the internet, but I'm starting to lose hope. (Ha. Depressed and losing hope...)

[vital]

Originally Posted by StillIntending

No no, I'm afraid you misunderstood. Both of my friends are on medication... I am not, and with my depression still being a secret like it is, I won't be getting any medication myself any time soon. I would like to have a prescription for Prozac, as I know that the function of that particular drug is more natural than other antidepressants. But that's in the future. I'm definitely trying every natural mood booster I can think of/find on the internet, but I'm starting to lose hope. (Ha. Depressed and losing hope...)

Haha. There are lots of things to try. I really like Mark Hyman's stuff for the medical/nutritional issues:

6 Strategies to Eliminate Depression - Dr. Mark Hyman

I don't think that Prozac is really better than any of the other drugs, by the way. They all have the generic problem of "oppositional tolerance".

Also, if you haven't seen it, I really like these notes:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

It made a huge difference for me and it's helped others too.

- vital