[shhnazzy]

I dont know what to do anymore. I have been married to a narcissist for 7 years and I feel like Ive finally reached my breaking point. The only thing keeping me alive right now are my three children. As much as I have declined emotionally within the last few months, I'm afraid I will continue to decline and not have the strength to fight. I hate my husband. Most importantly, I hate myself for allowing this to happen to me. I have become a distant mother. All I want to do is sit in my room and cry. I get my kids up for school and pick them up. I make their dinner and wash their laundry. I am not there mentally or emotionally, though. I was shopping today and broke down in the store and had to hide out in a bathroom stall for about 20 minutes because I couldn't stop crying. When I finally pulled myself together, I placed the items I was going to purchase down and left. I am starting to feel my children would be better off without me in the long run. I have absolutely nothing encouraging or positive to offer anyone anymore. Ive become a worthless person.

[josephpawlin]

First of all, you are NOT worthless. If you're in an unhappy marriage, it would be best for everyone involved if you divorced or separated. Your children might be hurt for a while, but they'll recognize the importance of it in the long run. Whenever you feel depressed (which can be a lot, I know), stop, count to six, and let out a breath. If you want, you can even have your kids do it with you. Even better if it's late at night, when people tend to start getting really depressed. Make an effort to be closer to your kids; a REAL effort. Even when you feel like lying on your bathroom floor and crying your eyes out, reach out to your children. Kids have a special way of talking that drags you out of even your worst moods (no matter what age they are). It won't be a straight upshot; some days you're going to want to lay in bed and sleep all day and others you're going to want to do all sorts of stuff. Push through the bad days and remember the good ones. I even keep a journal of my happiest memories so when I'm on the edge of fast down-plunge and staying steady. Things like your first kiss, your first childbirth, that one really funny thing that happened at band camp, etc,. It will get better, I promise.

[annoyedgrunt84]

This talk by Andrew Solomon often helps me in my toughest moments he talks about a situation that sounds very similar to yours.

[vital]

Originally Posted by shhnazzy

I dont know what to do anymore. I have been married to a narcissist for 7 years and I feel like Ive finally reached my breaking point. The only thing keeping me alive right now are my three children. As much as I have declined emotionally within the last few months, I'm afraid I will continue to decline and not have the strength to fight. I hate my husband. Most importantly, I hate myself for allowing this to happen to me. I have become a distant mother. All I want to do is sit in my room and cry. I get my kids up for school and pick them up. I make their dinner and wash their laundry. I am not there mentally or emotionally, though. I was shopping today and broke down in the store and had to hide out in a bathroom stall for about 20 minutes because I couldn't stop crying. When I finally pulled myself together, I placed the items I was going to purchase down and left. I am starting to feel my children would be better off without me in the long run. I have absolutely nothing encouraging or positive to offer anyone anymore. Ive become a worthless person.

You're allowed to cry shhnazzy. It sounds very sad and stressful and depressing. I'm not sure what to advise other than to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to feel better. You might find this video to be helpful:

These notes might help if you recognize them as describing what's happening in your head:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

- vital