[cryingontheinside]

I'm sick of being depressed . I don't like my self or my life ( lack of a life ) . I'm also social phobic and agoraphobic and have BPD . my quality of life will never improve . I don't want to simply exist . I wish I didn't exist . I hate being me and I hate others around me not understanding depression . sometimes I want to end my life but I don't even have the energy or enthusiasm to do that . 😫

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[StillIntending]

I've been where you are, or at least somewhere similar, I think. I'm there now in fact. I'm sorry you're here too. I'm sending up a quick prayer for you right now as I type.

[cryingontheinside]

Thankyou stillintending for your post and prayer. I'm sending one to you too . big hug x

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[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Hell yes, I visit that spot from time to time. Best wishes.

[francisR]

hi Cryingontheinside

I am sorry you are not feeling good. Perhaps if the Dr. strengthened or changed the medication for you. it would be helpful. Also a good therapist could give you skills to manage symptoms. Try to keep your mind busy doing especially enjoyable things will take the focus away from feeling bad. Thinking about the good things in your life will help you to feel better.
I do understand about social phobia and did experience that myself, but found that as the depression lessened it was much less of a problem.

There is Nami the organization for the mentally ill and they do run peer to peer support groups which would give you the opportunity to make new friends. You can Google, and contact them to see if this service is available in your area. Fellow sufferers do make the best friends. and it is easier to talk to them as we are all in the same boat
It is disappointing when other people don't understand what depression is like, but never having suffered it. they don't understand. Sometimes I say to them to recall the very worst time of their lives, and to imagine what it would be like to feel that way always. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[Dan208]

Hugs to you, cryingontheinside. I also don't like myself and have social phobia. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

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[vital]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I'm sick of being depressed . I don't like my self or my life ( lack of a life ) . I'm also social phobic and agoraphobic and have BPD . my quality of life will never improve . I don't want to simply exist . I wish I didn't exist . I hate being me and I hate others around me not understanding depression . sometimes I want to end my life but I don't even have the energy or enthusiasm to do that . 😫

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Welcome back, crying.

- vital

[cryingontheinside]

Thanks vital

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[HairlessMop]

Every eff'n day!! My problem is not the lack of motivation to to do something as definitive as ending my life, which I would NEVER recommend to anyone. That's something you can't come back from. The narcissist in me that makes me angry enough to not give anyone else the satisfaction. Or, maybe I just love myself to much. Eh, who knows. Don't get me wrong, I lack motivation too and have very little to no joy in my life right now, but I push through generally because ***** has to get done.

I do ride a Harley and sometimes just hitting the open road (back country roads away from traffic) and just feeling the wind blow through my hair and not being responsible or answering to anybody or anything for a while... relaxes me and puts some things back into perspective. What I'm trying to say is, find that ONE thing that makes you smile or just a little warm inside and do it. It doesn't fix the the hurt, the pain, or make the problem(s) go away, BUT for just a while, I forget everything else and just enjoy the moment. Plus I get to shake my "fist" at the world, yell, scream and even occasionally cry. Course I have to be careful of that last one, kind of hard to see.

As for others not understanding you... it looks like you been coming here for a while and you know folks in here UNDERSTAND. So, keep coming back and venting, crying or just TYPING IN ALL CAPS to let someone know how you're feeling and I'm sure someone will reply. 'Cus trust me when I say, if we're on here we UNDERSTAND.

I have been going through a separation and now a divorce. I cried constantly when they left. Today I am questioning myself why am I bothering to cry for someone that I had to let go, with no closure? There is none, so I might as well stop beating up on myself and take care of me for a change. I know how it feels to cry non stop and you are tired of being miserable and depressed. I sit here and LOOK at things, not doing them. One day you will wake up and MOVE, when you are ready. Every ones grief and issues are separate and allow yourself the breathing room to heal slowly. In the meantime reward yourself by doing something fun for you.