I find adjusting to separation then divorce, depression, trauma, it is too much. Now all the drama is settled down but my mind won't shut off. It is like a movie I keep replaying. In the last 5 years I have been through too much. My Dad died, I got disabled, my Mother has dementia, they sold their home. I was forced to move out a month before he died. I got into subsidized housing, lightning struck my apt. while i was in it, split the floor. then my new apt the guy next to me broke into it 3 times. i suffered 2 heart attacks while here, one at my parents house previously, i suffered 3 major strokes, 11 mini strokes, over a dozen brain seizures, then i had 4 types of cancer which are presently in remission. now i have palsy. and my spouse i called 911 on cause they PTSD on me, went ballistic reliving the Vietnam War. I had to switch doctors ended up with an intern through the University who bought the hospital. It is a research center now. I am catching my breath. I don't want to do this anymore. There are times I ask God why didn't he just let me die last year when I was so ill so I wouldn't have had to go through all this drama with my spouse. now they are in state custody and there is nothing i can do about it. state has them under mental health dept. and they are divorcing me and they are not allowed to talk to me, contact me and i cannot know how my spouse is doing. how in the world does anyone work with that or get closure? it is all a bad nightmare the last 5 years of my life.

[puzzclar]

Do you feel any better after writing this????

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Originally Posted by puzzclar

Do you feel any better after writing this????

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I have to go to court Oct. 1, this year against my spouse. I am not looking forward to it, dealing with a state social worker against me, the victim. Yet they have cart blanche being under state aide. Do i feel better having posted how i feel? A little bit. Every day is just more pain 24/7 with all my physical disabilities. Suffering has been a part of my life for so long it is debilitating.

[francisR]

hi Omegalamed
I am sorry that things are so difficult for you. And for the loved ones you have lost they are happy now to with the Lord, which is the important thing. You have been through so much. Perhaps seeing a counselor to help you come to terms with everything that has happened to you would be helpful. I hope and pray you get all of the help you need for your physical problems
I am sorry you are finding difficulty finding out about your spouse. Perhaps you would like to consider contacting Nami the organization for the mentally ill which you can Google. They are very good at helping people with all sorts of problems. And there is your congressman who can hopefully make it possible for you to find out about your spouse. I hope and pray the Lord will bring you healing and strength. You are a very strong person having gone through everything you have and should give yourself the credit for being able to do that. Take care. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Thank you FrancisR. I got ahold of NAMI, now I got ahold of the agency dealing with my spouse. It is crazy the laws but I am going at it. I need closure. Thank you for the support and prayers all of you. I really need it. I don't know what tomorrow holds but I am trusting God to help me face them and get through it. Blessings.

[puzzclar]

I'm glad things are going better for you! That you have trusted in the Lord. Keep it up!

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[waterknob1234]

Hi omegalamed. I am so sorry you are hurting so much. Yes you have had a lot of hard things to deal with. I commend you that you are holding up this well. I will keep you in my heart and prayers.

Court did not go well. The court system is crooked and compromised. The door is shut in my face. I have lost my spouse forever in the mental health system. I have to walk away from it. The judge said yesterday that the judicial system is failing across the country for a lack of judges to hear cases so they just dismiss them for all the backlogs. And that is the way it is. We no longer have a voice. Poor people no longer have a voice.... I will carry on, but I will never trust the judicial system again as long as I live. It works against us.