[JIMMYJAM34]

This is something that has been playing on my mind recently, it’s something I try not to think about as frankly it makes me depressed.

Basically it is my lack of achievement in life. I am 35 and for my 35 years have damn all to show for it. In your 20’s you tend to get away with it, in your 30’s you look like a failure and people do look down on you for it.

What do I mean by lack of achievement? Well things like a house, marriage, travel, hell I haven’t even been able to learn to drive. I am stuck in a dead end job on minimum wage going nowhere, I suppose you would call me one of life’s losers.

It’s not that I don’t try I do and have tried, but nothing ever works out no matter how hard I try. Even simple things like a diet or getting fit can’t stick at, instead I’d much rather eat junk food and drink alcohol to numb the pain of a worthless life.

I have had issues with anxiety and depression all my adult life, I am not sure if these are the cause or effect of the above but either way they don’t help my cause.

Any help or advice?

Hi Jimmy. I saw your post right after I saw the new Habits Forum that Doc John created.

I'm not sure I have any advice, but what you said about not being sure if your anxiety and depression are the cause or the effect of your problems rang a bell with me.

I think they can be both, in an entwined sort of way.

I take medication for depression and go to psychotherapy. I will get better for a while and start to make a little bit of progress on life goals, but then the depression gets worse again and I lose a lot of the progress I've made for a while.

It's enormously frustrating. I'm not trying to say that this will be what happens to you. I have chronic medical problems that complicate my issues with depression.

It helps me to make progress toward goals if I make myself accountable to someone else, even though I don't like to do this, because I worry about feeling badly if I can't make it to the goal.

Right now, I suppose something I'm trying to do is to write down my goals and put them where I can see them. I tend to have problems with depression making my mind feel very scattered. If I don't have a "book of goals", six months later I'll have forgotten that I ever made a promise to myself to work on something.

There are lots of books and articles and apps about creating good habits. I'm not exactly sure why habits have become a focus right now. It may have something to do with the distraction we all experience from internet and other electronic media.

I'm trying to think of a goal to put into the new Psych Central Habits Forum. I'm feeling sort of down this week, so it's hard to think of one.

I think that to keep trying and to keep setting goals for yourself is the most important thing. I see posts on this board sometimes from people in their late teens/early 20s. They ask if people can be content with an "ordinary life, nothing special". I thought exactly the same thing when I was that age.

Now, 30 years later, I think that having an "ordinary life" is a great accomplishment. Just showing up and being present for each day of our life and experiencing it is not easy. It takes courage and determination to live an ordinary life.

Okay, I'm rambling. I suppose I'm just trying to say that you're not alone.

[brackenbeard]

Originally Posted by JIMMYJAM34

This is something that has been playing on my mind recently, it’s something I try not to think about as frankly it makes me depressed.

Basically it is my lack of achievement in life. I am 35 and for my 35 years have damn all to show for it. In your 20’s you tend to get away with it, in your 30’s you look like a failure and people do look down on you for it.

What do I mean by lack of achievement? Well things like a house, marriage, travel, hell I haven’t even been able to learn to drive. I am stuck in a dead end job on minimum wage going nowhere, I suppose you would call me one of life’s losers.

It’s not that I don’t try I do and have tried, but nothing ever works out no matter how hard I try. Even simple things like a diet or getting fit can’t stick at, instead I’d much rather eat junk food and drink alcohol to numb the pain of a worthless life.

I have had issues with anxiety and depression all my adult life, I am not sure if these are the cause or effect of the above but either way they don’t help my cause.

Any help or advice?

I think now might be a time to acknowledge what you have, and what others do not. I'm sure even though YOU feel you haven't lived up to your potential, just the fact you have money to eat cheetos, shelter, and a tv that's on to often is reason to feel grateful. So many people cannot indulge in anything and struggle to survive on a daily basis. That's real, change the channel to cnn.

So you can wallow in sorrow about how things turned out, or you can set effective goals within the framework of the mental illness that you have. You have a job! Ok, for the moment, that's more than I can say for myself. Good job. That's huge, and if you don't believe me drop down a few groups to the schizophrenic section.

I totally believe you can realize realistic goals like owning a house. Pick one and remind yourself of where you're going, and how great it will be to reach that goal. Work towards it. If you don't feel good that will give you direction. I'm at my best when I have solid concrete goals, right now I don't, but I was just partially hospitalized. some slack please.

It's ok to fail. But don't lose sight of your goals. Keep coming back, and do a little at a time.

That's all I got. Back to Netflix for me.

[TimTheEnchanter]

Don't worry. Some people bloom late. I managed to have some sort of awakening in my late 40's and gave a new meaning to my life. I am now 59 and I often felt regret and shame, disliking the old me. Don't! I have never finished college and lied on my resume. I was unemployed for nearly 3 years. Imagine the younger you in your mind's eye and give him a big hug. Everything is the way it is supposed to be, ALWAYS!
Consider trying therapy and perhaps meds. I finally got meds for anxiety as I always had them(anger, anxiety).

Originally Posted by JIMMYJAM34

This is something that has been playing on my mind recently, it’s something I try not to think about as frankly it makes me depressed.

Basically it is my lack of achievement in life. I am 35 and for my 35 years have damn all to show for it. In your 20’s you tend to get away with it, in your 30’s you look like a failure and people do look down on you for it.

What do I mean by lack of achievement? Well things like a house, marriage, travel, hell I haven’t even been able to learn to drive. I am stuck in a dead end job on minimum wage going nowhere, I suppose you would call me one of life’s losers.

It’s not that I don’t try I do and have tried, but nothing ever works out no matter how hard I try. Even simple things like a diet or getting fit can’t stick at, instead I’d much rather eat junk food and drink alcohol to numb the pain of a worthless life.

I have had issues with anxiety and depression all my adult life, I am not sure if these are the cause or effect of the above but either way they don’t help my cause.

Any help or advice?