[Dbird]

Hi,

Currently experiencing the worst period of depression I've ever felt. Was in a toxic relationship that turned volatile towards the end. Tempers got flared and I got a real battering verbally. Have been finding it difficult to get it out of my head and it was several months ago.

Person in question has blocked me on all media channels.

I have spiralled into self hatred and blaming myself for everything that went wrong.

Been so bad at times I haven't left my bed and stopped looking after myself. Not eating or sleeping. I'm also very isolated so I'm trying to deal with a lot of this on my own. Is there any Skype support groups on here or does anyone want to connect via pm??

I'm sorry that you're experiencing such a tough time. I don't have any suggestions re Skype or PM support - just wondering if you have seen a doctor, even your GP.

I see that you're in England, and I know it's not easy to get mental health care there (or so I've gathered from postings I've seen on these forums.)

[Pierro]

Please call your doctor immediately. You need to do this for yourself.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Dbird

Hi,

Currently experiencing the worst period of depression I've ever felt. Was in a toxic relationship that turned volatile towards the end. Tempers got flared and I got a real battering verbally. Have been finding it difficult to get it out of my head and it was several months ago.

Person in question has blocked me on all media channels.

I have spiralled into self hatred and blaming myself for everything that went wrong.

Been so bad at times I haven't left my bed and stopped looking after myself. Not eating or sleeping. I'm also very isolated so I'm trying to deal with a lot of this on my own. Is there any Skype support groups on here or does anyone want to connect via pm??

Hi Dbird,

You've apparently just had a break up of some sort. This is upsetting for just about anybody, but when someone has depression, it's much worse as it's perfect material for rumination. Your memories of all that volatile stuff have SUPER HIGH emotional content, so they are lodged in your brain very strongly and keep coming back given the slightest thing that reminds you of them. I'd guess that you can't go for more than 60 seconds without thinking of it.

I have a couple of suggestions about what to do. First, I would suggest reading these notes

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

They have an explanation of WHY depressed people end up with the kind of obsessive ruminating thoughts that you're experiencing right now. There is a thing that you can practice in those notes. It is actually fun to do and you can do it no matter how bad you are feeling.

The second suggestion is for immediate relief, seek out and deeply experience purely sensory things. Go for a walk. Feel the brisk Fall air and see the trees changing colors. See things, hear things, taste, smell, touch. Do these things richly. Your senses are on your side. Your own senses are trying to heal you.

The third suggestion is to hang out with us and let us know how it's going over time.

- vital

You have my empathy. I had a lengthy marriage that at the end I experienced much toxicity. I know how hard it is, and the isolation. You can private message me if it helps you any, although I have also found many helpful responses on the board. I hope you reach out to a doctor for some help with the depression, or a therapist or both.

Btw, welcome to psych central. I hope you keep posting, I find it helps to vent out your feelings.