[JohnCrow]

I am alone in the world with no prospects. I am an extremely overqualified legal professional, desperately applying for jobs they normally give to the high school children of vice-presidents of the company so they can have some experience in a job (of course they half-*** it because what are you going to say to the VP?). When I can find work, which is all temp, it gives me no hope of stability or a sense of the future and the sense of looming loss colours my every waking day. I have watched all of my colleagues and friends surpass me in every way imaginable.
And I cannot see a way out of this.

And I bet you're thinking "is this where he says he is suicidal", right?

Far from it. The above quote is derived from Walter White, the protagonist turning antagonist of the series Breaking Bad

I wish I had the skills to be evil; paid attention in chemistry, had the slickness to run scams, the focus to do whatever needs to be done. Whatever was needed...

By the time he was my age, Iosif Stalin was the absolute ruler of the USSR. Pol Pot was ruler of Kampuchea, Bonaparte had built and lost an empire while fighting the whole world.

One of my heroes, Joseph Fouche, had risen from a part-time lay teacher to one of the two men Napoleon feared (he died a Duke, after being born a commoner). Another, Arthur Wellesley, had just defeated Napoleon when he was 50 and would go on to a long, successful career as a politician and administrator

I was born in the wrong time, wrong place, with the smarts but no drive, a passive whipping boy who seems destined for smallness

[BBB2]

I'm sorry you're so discouraged, John Crow. It's not easy being clever.

You said you were born in the wrong time, but there's guarantee things would have been any better for you back then. There was no Netflix in Napoleon's day How did depressed people cope back then?! Although, thinking about it, Napoleon did other things for entertainment, like witnessing Volta's demonstration of voltaic pile. Endlessly entertaining.

Smart people will always be needed, especially in this era of talent shows being passed off as good entertainment.

I think I understand why you want to turn bad. You want to be free, right? And you want to achieve your potential.

I hope you don't mind if I suggest another TV show for you, one which I find quite cathartic to watch. It's an adult cartoon called Rick and Morty. It's about a genius, borderline sociopath scientist (Rick), who's created a portal gun so he can travel across dimensions with his grandson. Rick does whatever he wants, says whatever he wants..It's fully of swearing...and that's why I find it so freeing.

Hang in there, John Crow. Things can and mostly likely will get better.

[Fizzyo]

Reading this, I really feel your discouragement. I have no answers, just want to empathise and, if possible, send some warmth and care. Best wishes

[Fizzyo]