[Frostbitė]

Hello I m 14 years old male and I have depression for about 2 years I think and about two weeks ago I went to the psychologist. I got diagnosed with medium depression. Though I'm not really sad or anxious when Im in school. And about since the last summer I started to be more interactive with people, because I became a Boy Scout. Anyways I got really good friends with a girl and she likes me a lot and so do I. We chat on the internet until very, very late night. Sometimes it s kind of sexting, but we are joking at most.

But when I meet her or other people(doesn't matter if she is there or no. Just anyone that is not from school and I know them) I go absolutely insane. I think about every single word I say so I can't have proper conversations.

Also when the girl I like sayd she would want to get warmed up by me I just ignored her words and pretended I didn t hear anything because i was so terrified of that thought of me actually cuddling with someone. I can t even have the courage to hug her or do something which makes me really sad. I want to do it. But I can t. I just freeze in place. My mind gets filled with a lot of scary thoughts with worst case scenarios, my heart everytime I talk to someone beats like crazy and my hands go really cold.
I think I have this because in my childhood there was a bully girl. I was 6 years old and she was 14. She spit and bullied my for about a year and I was scared of her so really bad.

Anyways please help me is it really depression that is causing this horrible feeling of getting locked in place and just standing awkwardly or is it no? Please help me. Please tell me what to do. I want to overcome this thing really bad, but I can t.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Frostbite; welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain mental support as well as to obtain mental health information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll get out of the time you spend here.

From what you wrote, it does certainly sound as though your experience with the 14 year old girl who bullied you may be at the root of why you are experiencing so much anxiety. And, yes, you may also be experiencing some depression as well, as a result of this experience. What tends to happen is that pathways get established in our brains as a result experiences we have in day-to-day life. And, once these pathways get established, it can be very difficult to get out of them... sort-of like a car driving in a rut in the road. The fact that you were so young when this bullying happened to you, means that you were probably particularly vulnerable to being affected by this experience. It may be that, as you get older, you will find you'll outgrow the anxiety & depression you're experiencing. But, if not, please seek the services of a professional mental health counselor or therapist to help you. I wish you all the best.

[Fizzyo]

Hello Frostbite I think there's something in what Sheezyks said. I'm sorry you feel so scared. My thought is that it's chicken and egg. Did your fear of closeness trigger emotions that lead to your depression. Either way I hope you can get some support. Can you speak to a school counsellor about this? They will take you seriously.

[Fuzzybear]