[StartingFreshNow]

I've been to many therapists in many years. Not one has been able to REALLY help me. Sure some of them helped in some ways, but none of them have been able to really help me conquer my issues. And yes, over time those issues change, I change, etc. but you'd think that one of them would at least be able to get somewhere with me.

Now I don't believe that I have really managed to find all the bad therapists out there, I honestly believe that I must be doing something wrong in therapy. However, I have no clue what that is and I'm wondering if you can help me figure it out.

I'm normally a very private person, but in therapy I let go and I feel like I put everything out there. In real life I'll lie to make people happy, but in therapy I work hard to be completely honest even if I worry it will hurt the therapists feelings. I'm not worried the therapist will judge me - I honestly believe they won't.

One thing is that I HATE to cry in front of people. This does hold me back sometimes. If I feel like I'm going to cry I do anything it takes not to. Then again it's not like I feel like I'm going to cry every session, so it's not like that's preventing me from getting anywhere.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like with each counselor it starts off really well and then I get comfortable with them and then it goes no where and every time I go in we just talk about some issue and we don't really get anywhere. With one counselor I actually got too comfortable and felt more like friends and it affected my ability to be honest with her so I switched counselors. With the last one it just felt like we talked and talked and talked and never figured out what my issues were or how to tackle them.

With my new counselor I only have 5 more sessions (we've only done my intake session so far) and I really want to make this work. After those 5 sessions I have to pay and that will be hard so I'm trying to do the most I can in those 5.

Am I actually NOT being honest and I don't realize it? Am I not receptive to what they say so I'm not hearing what I really need to do? What am I doing wrong?

[TerriLynn]

Believe it or not, sometimes it is REALLY hard to find a good counselor! I know I went through 3 that did just that, let me talk, and didn't actually make a difference. I had one that actually made me do things that made a difference. One session, I was telling him about an incident with my mother when I was very young. It should have been an emotional story but I told it like it happened to someone else, and he noticed that. He said I had disassociated from the experiences and made me retell and then write it out in very specific detail, from sights, sounds, smells, etc. Which put me back there so I could experience it and feel it and get past it. Let it go.
Maybe there is something like that going on with you and you haven't had a counselor who has picked that up? You go in, you tell your stories, you are honest, but disassociated from the feelings, and if the counselor doesn't pick that up, then they cant help.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, I think you haven't had the RIGHT therapist, or maybe the right KIND of therapy.

[StartingFreshNow]

Wow, I think you really nailed it there. I do disassociate when talking about my experiences. It's my way of coping with them. Especially if it's a topic that is likely to make me cry. I was aware of it in my parenting (when stressed by my kids I disassociate to get through the situation) but I wasn't really aware of it in my counseling.

I'll have to bring that up to my new counselor and see what she thinks and maybe if she's aware I have a tendency to do that, she can be more aware to help me work through those situations....great suggestion. Thanks!

[Fuzzybear]

[TerriLynn]

Well shucks! I am glad that helps.

Yes, those of use who went through childhood trauma tend to do just that, it is the way you get through. I always called it "stuffing it" or "pulling myself up by my bootstraps", just putting it aside and moving on. We didn't have a choice, it was either that or give in to the terror.

[waterknob1234]

I am hoping this round of therapy works well for you. I go to the cheap community mental health clinic. I am thankful for their services, but the first counselor I saw there talked more about himself than he did about me and my issues. I then got a good counselor there, but now I can't see her because my insurance doesn't cover her all of a sudden. So then I had to switch counselors. It's frustrating.

I feel bad. I actually had an appointment to see the counselor yesterday and forgot about it. Now I am penalized for a no-show appointment and will have to go through steps to get back in with the clinic.

Oh, enough about me, I hope that the therapy works out well this time. Best of wishes.

[StartingFreshNow]

Thank you - good luck with your change of counselors!

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by StartingFreshNow

I've been to many therapists in many years. Not one has been able to REALLY help me. Sure some of them helped in some ways, but none of them have been able to really help me conquer my issues. And yes, over time those issues change, I change, etc. but you'd think that one of them would at least be able to get somewhere with me.

Now I don't believe that I have really managed to find all the bad therapists out there, I honestly believe that I must be doing something wrong in therapy. However, I have no clue what that is and I'm wondering if you can help me figure it out.

I'm normally a very private person, but in therapy I let go and I feel like I put everything out there. In real life I'll lie to make people happy, but in therapy I work hard to be completely honest even if I worry it will hurt the therapists feelings. I'm not worried the therapist will judge me - I honestly believe they won't.

One thing is that I HATE to cry in front of people. This does hold me back sometimes. If I feel like I'm going to cry I do anything it takes not to. Then again it's not like I feel like I'm going to cry every session, so it's not like that's preventing me from getting anywhere.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like with each counselor it starts off really well and then I get comfortable with them and then it goes no where and every time I go in we just talk about some issue and we don't really get anywhere. With one counselor I actually got too comfortable and felt more like friends and it affected my ability to be honest with her so I switched counselors. With the last one it just felt like we talked and talked and talked and never figured out what my issues were or how to tackle them.

With my new counselor I only have 5 more sessions (we've only done my intake session so far) and I really want to make this work. After those 5 sessions I have to pay and that will be hard so I'm trying to do the most I can in those 5.

Am I actually NOT being honest and I don't realize it? Am I not receptive to what they say so I'm not hearing what I really need to do? What am I doing wrong?

Have all of your therapists been women? If not, did you notice a difference in how you related to the men therapists? I've had three women therapists and didn't think I got anywhere. But therapy changed greatly when I saw a male therapist. Perhaps it was the therapy styles, but I feel pretty strongly that I needed to be in therapy with a male to get to my issues.

Just a thought and my two cents. I do hope you find success with this therapist.

[StartingFreshNow]

One (my most recent one) was a male. I initially felt like the gender was making a big difference but then it just fell into the same pattern. I am now back to seeing a woman as I think it's harder for me to cry in front of a man.