[cocoleon]

i had suffered from mild depression four years ago, up to the point I found myself alone in the kitchen

Possible trigger:

holding a knife ready to end my life.

I sought for professional help, with CBT I dealt with my depression, and laters in life, I find myself happier than I ever was.

One tiny glitch though. Ever since I survived from my depression, whenever I face with problems (real problems) that needed my attention, my thoughts are racing so fast, I will find myself in panic mode, or as what professional will call it an anxiety attack.

Whenever I am facing a problem that I think there's no way out, I will become paranoid, and think of the worst outcome, on which I will not be able to handle, and usually that's when my suicidal thought comes back.
since last four years i only had 3 or 4 suicidal feelings. but tonight, I feel tonight is the worst, that i tried to

Possible trigger:

cut my arm using cutter. not on the artery though, i did not plan to kill myself right away.

i just want to harm myself a little bit, because i was brought up in the religious environment that i've been thought killing yourself is considered one of the biggest sin, that being said, I don't want to find out about my punishment later of killing myself.

so, some really big problem arise, and i dont know the way out that's why i am writing this, because im pretty sure i will sleep holding my cutter tonight. so please help me, if there's anything i can do to take my mind off or how to deal with a problem.

[emijec]

is there a friend u can stay with ? sometimes a change like that may momentarily keep your mind from feeling anxious. but I do suggest talking to someone like a hotline at least. r u in therapy?

[Fizzyo]

Is there a help line or suicide prevention help line in your country? If not, can you find one to email like the British Samaritans, or other places like that on the Internet? People really do want to help and they have helped me.
Sometimes delaying what you want to do for a time helps to allow the anxiety to reduce. I have been told intense anxiety usually reduces in an hour or 1 1/2 hours if you can occupy yourself and set goals for short periods like 15 minutes at a time.
Sometimes writing everything down I'm thinking and feeling and different ways to look at them with pros and cons of different actions helps.

Keep posting here at least to get the support of people like me who really want you to find what is the best for you.
Maybe check out

LifeSIGNS | user-led self-harm small charity

Their 15 minute rule often helps me to survive!

[StarGazingFish]

you did good posting here,keep posting your thoughts!

its ok to feel those feelings-lots of people get suicidal or self harm feelings so your not alone, it might help you if you get someone profesional to help you disperse those feelings and start feeling better again,meds might also be an area to look into.

[Fizzyo]

Thinking of you

[emijec]

hope everything is ok today

[LifeInProgress]

You are not alone in this. Hope today is better.

[Pierro]

I know it's very difficult but try to distract yourself.. I hope these thoughts leave you soon.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes please Cocoleon call someone. A friend or a hotline. Maybe music that soothes you. Watch some children at play. Focus on deep breathing...in and out...in and out. Stargazingfish said it's good to write down your thoughts. Let them out!

[Fuzzybear]