[Mookster]

First let me say this is the lowest point I've been in my life. I've been trying to pull myself out of this pit of ugliness that seems to be smothering me. Tho this weekend I was journaling and realized that Christmas is coming. I've always loved Christmas, always felt the magic and I'm guessing secretly hoping it would make things better. I started to feel a little better tho then I realized that it never does make things better, they keep getting worse as time goes on. The "family" unit here is just falling apart in my eyes, I don't feel like we are a family in any respect. I don't want to be forced to spend time with them this year, I don't want to have to cook for them. Thanksgiving or Christmas, I just want nothing to do with them. (I live with them, because I am my mothers very burnt out caregiver)

I'm afraid of what's going to happen this year, and how they are going to make me feel like I'm acting childish and selfish. Though I'm afraid of what spending time with them is going to do to my mental health, which is really unstable right now. The urges to to do permanent self harm are so strong most days, and now I feel like I opened up a can of worms by starting to dread the holiday season already.

I don't know if anyone else has felt this way or not, or if anyone really cares or not, maybe I just needed to vent some...

Why isn't there a burnt out caregiver forum here? I could really use one, I can't be the only one.

There is a caregiver forum here. I'm sorry you're feeling down. Holidays can be really hard for some of us. And you have the hardest job in the world. Feel free to vent. In this forum or the caregivers forum if it still exists. A lot of us will have some idea of what you're going through.

[TerriLynn]

Holidays can be the worst. I am glad we don't live near my family so I don't have to deal with them. Though I do worry about my sister just showing up like she did one year.

I know the dread you are feeling, I am sorry we have to go through it. I am lucky that I have great kids and a wonderful husband that I get to spend my holidays with. That is my life now, not them.

[Fizzyo]

You certainly are not the only one, I have seen threads from many burnt out caregivers here.
I'm sorry Christmas is so hard for you and that everyone expects you to cater for them.
I don't have advice, just sending care and hugs.

You're a caregiver, burnt out or not, you're amazing, people the world over sacrifice their own selves to care and I have deep respect for them (you).This task has not been asked of me yet, so I don't know what it's like.

[gayleggg]

I'm not looking forward to the holidays either. I used to be the caregiver for my dad and understand how drained it can leave you.

Maybe you could suggest someone else be responsible for the cooking this year. Or order take out.

Make sure you get as much rest as possible in the days before the holidays.

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