Depression

Today I am depressed. It started yesterday – the fatigue, the extreme irritability. I just thought I was crabby, but then I woke up this morning and my old friend, Depression, was lying in bed next to me. I got up and took care of the dog and cat (as I always do despite my moods). Then I went back to bed. I woke up around 7. Got out of bed at 10 so I could eat something and take my antidepressants. I wanted to go back to bed but i knew i couldn’t. I have to be strong for my girlfriend.
So what is this depression I speak of? It is not sadness. It is hopelessness. Everything becomes hopeless – relationships, cleaning my room, college I may never finish. And it is this enormous weight. It took me a few hours from the time I woke up to trudge out of bed and walk to the kitchen because I needed that much time to muster the strength to move.
There is this elephant sitting on my chest trying to squish me into not breathing.
I’m so tired. Exhausted.
I don’t want to talk because no one really understands and also because it’s too hard to move my mouth to speak. My tongue is an anvil.
And I am not cute. No, sir. I look like I’ve come down with the flu. Dark circles under my tired eyes. In this moment, I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to feel like gravity has a special effect on me causing movement to feel like running through molasses.
I can imagine nothing that will lift this weight but time. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up normal again.

Rest, shelter yourself, and just really listen to your body. Last weekend I went to bed early, or when people are supposed to go to bed. I woke up about 12 hours later to go to the bathroom and then went back to bed. I woke up again at 6p, stayed up for a couple hours to watch T.V. and then I had to back to bed. I just felt exhausted.
Sometimes you just run into those days where you just need to get some extra sleep no matter how long that will take.
Don't think about what is normal or how others perceive you. You're in your own home, tucked away from everyone. You can do what you want. Think of how there is nothing to do. You are free to just be.
If you are not too tired try doing something you did for comfort when you were a kid. Like, watch hours of Cartoons, read a favorite comic, eat something that you haven't had since you were young.
One time, after dropping my daughter off at kindergarten, I spent the entire afternoon reading Archie. No music or T.V. for background noise. When I went to go pick her up I felt so rejuvenated and happy.
Anyways, just listen to your body. I think you need some rest and TLC.

Thank you,
I just feel like i am fighting a loosing battle sometimes.

You sound a lot like Freewilled. See what worked for him:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4715237-post156.html

- vital