[yagalada]

Hi. I've been in treatment/meds since about age 13. I've had many dxs deoression, anxiety, ptsd, bipolar, psychotic features. I have been on mist meds except maois and stimulants. Even things like throrazine Last year it was found in neurological testing I have temporal lobe epilepsy and myoclonus so what tge shrinks assumed was psychosis was migraine auras and seizure activity.

Anyway, I still have issues with periodic horrific depression. When I was a teen and given Prozac back in the day, I was given a high dose, my mom said I was acting "manic" Hence a BP dx that followed me for years. Others I've tried didn't make a dent in my depression or gave me bad side effects, like Celexa making myoconics worse, welbutrin giving me a seizures. Geodon gave me the same kind of seizures but more severe. Other antipsychotics gave me akathesia, diarhhea, rediculous weightgain, I slept all day and was totally slowed down and even more depressed than when I started treatment.

So my seizures are under control (hopefully) with meds that are used as mood stabilizers but I'm having dark thoughts, I cry, I'm lazy, just full of misery. I'm straight up depressed. I eat right, take vitamins, try to walk, go to yoga once a week, go to day treatment, do all the skill stuff but I feel like something bad is gonna happen if I don't get the proper medication . I don't know. I feel like nothing can help me I'm really on the edge.

[vital]

Originally Posted by yagalada

Hi. I've been in treatment/meds since about age 13. I've had many dxs deoression, anxiety, ptsd, bipolar, psychotic features. I have been on mist meds except maois and stimulants. Even things like throrazine Last year it was found in neurological testing I have temporal lobe epilepsy and myoclonus so what tge shrinks assumed was psychosis was migraine auras and seizure activity.

Anyway, I still have issues with periodic horrific depression. When I was a teen and given Prozac back in the day, I was given a high dose, my mom said I was acting "manic" Hence a BP dx that followed me for years. Others I've tried didn't make a dent in my depression or gave me bad side effects, like Celexa making myoconics worse, welbutrin giving me a seizures. Geodon gave me the same kind of seizures but more severe. Other antipsychotics gave me akathesia, diarhhea, rediculous weightgain, I slept all day and was totally slowed down and even more depressed than when I started treatment.

So my seizures are under control (hopefully) with meds that are used as mood stabilizers but I'm having dark thoughts, I cry, I'm lazy, just full of misery. I'm straight up depressed. I eat right, take vitamins, try to walk, go to yoga once a week, go to day treatment, do all the skill stuff but I feel like something bad is gonna happen if I don't get the proper medication . I don't know. I feel like nothing can help me I'm really on the edge.

Hi yagalada,

It may have been presented to you that way, but I suspect that you are underestimating how much "the skill stuff" can help you and you are still, even after all this bad experience, assuming that the only answer is more medication. I would really suggest trying these things seriously and give them a real chance to help. Instead of "trying to walk", walk for 2 hours every day. Instead of "going to yoga once a week", do yoga for 1 hour every day. My philosophy about these things is that unless you do it every day, it's not going to help much. If I were in your shoes, I would be adding everything that I could that is known to be good for your mood and brain health. You might get some ideas from this plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

Once you find something that really helps, you may find it really encouraging and it may make all the difference.

- vital

[Skeezyks]

Hello yagalada: I'm so sorry you are having so much difficulty. One thing that occurs to me is that, perhaps, the depression you're experiencing may be, if not caused by, then significantly exacerbated by, the medications you're taking to control your seizure activity. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're doing everything right. But, for some reason, it's not working. If, in fact, it is the medications that are causing you such misery, then even though you try to do everything right, it's not going to correct the problem. Kudos to you, though, for trying your best in the face of extremely difficult circumstances! You could possibly be beating yourself up for something that you really have no control over. It may at least be worth considering this as a possibility & discussing it with your physician(s). My best wishes to you...

[yagalada]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello yagalada: I'm so sorry you are having so much difficulty. One thing that occurs to me is that, perhaps, the depression you're experiencing may be, if not caused by, then significantly exacerbated by, the medications you're taking to control your seizure activity. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're doing everything right. But, for some reason, it's not working. If, in fact, it is the medications that are causing you such misery, then even though you try to do everything right, it's not going to correct the problem. Kudos to you, though, for trying your best in the face of extremely difficult circumstances! You could possibly be beating yourself up for something that you really have no control over. It may at least be worth considering this as a possibility & discussing it with your physician(s). My best wishes to you...

Thanks for your reply, I was wondering that myself, after i posted this as I recently discontinued one antiseizure med and my obsessive thinking reduced dramatically. Like I was paranoid about bugs and the neighbors hearing us talking and stuff. So maybe the increase in this med has caused this depressive crash, not to mention major major depressive problems run in my family with 2 family members in state hospitals way back in those days. I really do use skills, and I felt kinda brushed off in a previous reply as I'm sitting here writing poetry and listening to fun music to try to distract myself.

[yagalada]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi yagalada,

It may have been presented to you that way, but I suspect that you are underestimating how much "the skill stuff" can help you and you are still, even after all this bad experience, assuming that the only answer is more medication. I would really suggest trying these things seriously and give them a real chance to help. Instead of "trying to walk", walk for 2 hours every day. Instead of "going to yoga once a week", do yoga for 1 hour every day. My philosophy about these things is that unless you do it every day, it's not going to help much. If I were in your shoes, I would be adding everything that I could that is known to be good for your mood and brain health. You might get some ideas from this plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

Once you find something that really helps, you may find it really encouraging and it may make all the difference.

- vital

If you were in my shoes you would have about 15 myoclonic seizures a day that are exausting and painful at the end of the day and temporal lobe seizures monthly. I have chronic migraines with aura. I'm not saying this for pitty but I do artwork and writing every day, listen to music when sound is not excruciating and exercise when it is SAFE for me to do so. I use essential oils that are safe for epilieptics. Many natural remedies are not safe for my condition. I do what I can, please don't insult me by telling me to try harder.