I'm not sure which it is.

I'm struggling, and I have a situation I have to work through. I find myself saying I'm fine when I'm not, making jokes with friends when I feel dreadful inside. I don't want to worry them and I don't want them to see me in a state, I fear I'll lose them if I let the way I feel show.

It's like being two people, the one I let people see outside and the person who is struggling inside.

Does anyone else do this?

[lavendersage]

On.A.Daily.Basis.

Billy Joel's song The Stranger should play when I walk in to a room - any room - at any time.

Living "authentically" is not easy when you deal with the things that people on PC do. It's usually here, among such peers, where we can finally FINALLY feel free to "let it all hang out."

You don't ever have to pretend here. YAYYYYYYYY!!!! Thank you Doc John!!!! Thank you PC'ers!

[Hoppery]

I'm the same. Word to word, the same. I put on a mask almost, I say i'm fine but i'm really not and I don't know why I do it. I'm struggling hugely at the moment.

Originally Posted by lavendersage

On.A.Daily.Basis.

Billy Joel's song The Stranger should play when I walk in to a room - any room - at any time.

Living "authentically" is not easy when you deal with the things that people on PC do. It's usually here, among such peers, where we can finally FINALLY feel free to "let it all hang out."

You don't ever have to pretend here. YAYYYYYYYY!!!! Thank you Doc John!!!! Thank you PC'ers!

I agree, it's great that we have here to post and share.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I find I've been doing this more and more lately. It sucks, and there's something about the inauthenticity of it that kind of hurts.

[Fuzzybear]

I agrrrrree too

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I agree, it's great that we have here to post and share.

[EnglishDave]

I overtly lie to my family on a daily basis. My daughters and son have no idea of the mental turmoil I endure every day, they know 1/10th of my physical issues. My sister knows more, but nowhere near the whole truth.

I do this to protect them and protect myself. What they don't know cannot hurt them, what I do not have to discuss I can suppress, I am an introvert - I do not like attention or focus on me. Only here and on our Sister Site have I learned to reveal myself over the past year.

Dave.

[lavendersage]

Originally Posted by EnglishDave

I overtly lie to my family on a daily basis. My daughters and son have no idea of the mental turmoil I endure every day, they know 1/10th of my physical issues. My sister knows more, but nowhere near the whole truth.

I do this to protect them and protect myself. What they don't know cannot hurt them, what I do not have to discuss I can suppress, I am an introvert - I do not like attention or focus on me. Only here and on our Sister Site have I learned to reveal myself over the past year.

Dave.

We have a sister site??

[EnglishDave]

Originally Posted by lavendersage

We have a sister site??

NeuroTalk, for those suffering physically from a multitude of Neurological and, to a lesser degree than here, Psychological issues.

It is just as wonderful, supportive and helpful as it is here.

There is a Link on the bottom of the Forums List on the Home Page.

Dave.

Originally Posted by EnglishDave

I overtly lie to my family on a daily basis. My daughters and son have no idea of the mental turmoil I endure every day, they know 1/10th of my physical issues. My sister knows more, but nowhere near the whole truth.

I do this to protect them and protect myself. What they don't know cannot hurt them, what I do not have to discuss I can suppress, I am an introvert - I do not like attention or focus on me. Only here and on our Sister Site have I learned to reveal myself over the past year.

Dave.

I think it's a very real concern, not to burden others.

Do you think your daughters and son guess on some level? I don't discuss with my son as I don't want to worry him but at the moment he is extra attentive towards me, like he knows something is wrong.

I do discuss with my husband but there is only so much he can take.

[EnglishDave]

Funnily enough, I just spoke to my son and told him I was 'fine', despite having a CT Scan booked for next week to investigate spiralling liver results in Blood Tests. I have beaten 2 rare Cancers, my GP has speculated on the possibility of a third. Only my Ex knows about the scan as she is driving me, neither she, nor my sister, know the possible reason until a firm dx is made. Therefore, the stress and worry is all mine.

As for my mental state, my daughters know I am 'unhappy' but I keep everything buried and make out it is all down to physical pain on the occasions when I am asked about it. Even my Anxiety and the rising feelings of Panic I get from eating have to be choked back - literally - every evening when my daughter and I have dinner.

This behaviour stems from childhood where it was drilled into me that you don't share, love and emotions are weaknesses, suppression and isolation is strength.

Dave.

[vital]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I'm not sure which it is.

I'm struggling, and I have a situation I have to work through. I find myself saying I'm fine when I'm not, making jokes with friends when I feel dreadful inside. I don't want to worry them and I don't want them to see me in a state, I fear I'll lose them if I let the way I feel show.

It's like being two people, the one I let people see outside and the person who is struggling inside.

Does anyone else do this?

I can really relate. When I was depressed, situations where I was depressed but had to pretend not to be depressed were really, really bad, sometimes taking me days to recover. This might be common and might be part of why people go down hill over the holidays.

I don't really have a good solution other than addressing your depression directly. Maybe others have idea. I basically avoided people a lot, even people that I cared for. - vital