I feel like things won't ever be the same again.

I don't really know how to explain things.

I was diagnosed with depression with psychotic features, I don't know if that's what it is/was but it has been really scary.

I'm doing a lot better now than I have been. I'm still low, but less so. All the other stuff is less of an issue, too. I'm coping. I couldn't before, but now I can kind of imagine being able to get on with my life. I can't imagine ever feeling like I did before, though. I can't imagine ever feeling 'normal' again.

I don't know how to explain, but things feel strange all the time. Existing - anything existing - feels strange and wrong. I still feel scared most of the time. Less scared, but still scared. Life feels like it is divided into Before and After this 'episode' and nothing will ever really be the same or okay again. But then maybe I'm wrong. I couldn't imagine getting this far, and I have. I don't know.

Can anyone relate? Is it possible to get back to 'normal'?

Hi Sparky
I understand where your coming from, my anxiety has gotten better but I still feel fear and still have a sense of doom, my memory is still bad. I just wish I could get back to normal before all this anxiety and depression hit.

Hello Sparky!: Well... my perspective is there is no before, no after, & no normal. There is just now. One thing I have learned is that there is nothing in the present moment but the present moment. The Buddhists talk allot about there being joy in the present moment. But I have found that, to be frank, there isn't even joy there. There is very simply just the present moment.

The thing is that all emotions: sadness, joy, regret, satisfaction / dissatisfaction all are the outcomes of comparing how we feel now with how we felt at some time previously, or with how we think we want to be able to feel, or should feel, in the future. However, since there is no past or future in the present moment, none of these comparisons exist there either.

What is important to me is to not to try to get back to some state I imagine to have been "normal" but simply to strive to live in the present accepting it for whatever it is, however it is. Nothing ever stays the same anyway. So, even had I, or you, not developed the mental health challenges we face, our lives would stlll be changing anyway.

I wish you well...

Your story made me think of a friend of one of my siblings who was also diagnosed with depression with psychotic features.

She made a very good recovery, although she does still have to take medication. I would urge you to be patient. You've been through quite a jolt to your brain.

First, there's the issue of getting the correct medications sorted out. It can often take a few "tweaks" to get the best medication or combination.

After that's sorted out, I think it just takes quite a long time for the brain to heal. (That's based some on things I've read but more on what it feels like on the inside of my head when I'm recovering from a bad episode of depression.)

I had a 2-3 year long episode of depression and anxiety that started to improve about 11 months ago. I have just started to feel somewhat comfortable with the inside of my head again during the last month or two, and I didn't have any psychosis to deal with.

I think it is possible to get back to normal. That "normal" may not be exactly the same as the way you were before. We're often left with the fear of "will it come back?" and things like that.

I think we learn things about ourselves during the painful, tough episodes, too, so in some ways our new normal is wiser and tougher and more compassionate.
That's a very good description. I think if you keep taking your medication, going to therapy if you're doing that, and practicing good self-care and self-compassion, that the strange feeling will gradually fade away.

I'm glad that you've found the Psych Central forums. This can be a good place to talk about things that only other people who have experienced them can understand. It can also be helpful to see how many people are fighting mental health issues and that you're not alone

Are you a practicing Buddhist?

Is there somewhere in TC that you recommend going?

I've been toying with the idea of Buddhism for a while now. Something tells me (I don't know why) that I might find a measure of peace in practicing it.