[dotcom02]

In the last two weeks my anxiety has been overdrive. I have alienated myself to my house and haven't talked to anyone. I'm an auto mechanic, and my word or skills is constantly being questioned like I don't know what I am doing but I'm very good at my job. Nothing like figuring out whats wrong with a car to be told your wrong and go back and figure it out right. Its a slap to your face. It defy's the whole purpose of your job. My anger levels are out of control at work, I barely keep from throwing a wrench across the shop. Then I get news the other day I'm loosing my health coverage at the beginning of the year along with the week vacation I've been waiting for. On top of that cooperate isn't happy with their six figure salary. they plan on **** canning a mechanic because profits aren't that high and I'm a good candidate to be fired. My anxiety levels have gone to uncomfortable levels and I sit here at my house alone, too dysfunctional to leave. My friends don't talk to me anymore. I'm still morning the death of my best friend who committed suicide back in 2011. At this point my head hurts, I can't control my thoughts, my mood swings from depressed to angry and back all day, I break down and start drinking. Twice this week, I've thought about wanting to end it all.

I have never felt so worthless, so alone, so numb in my entire life.

The other day, I found my old anxiety meds I took back in the service. I started taking them and I've finally calmed down long enough to get my life back together. I have been able to remove some friends out of my life and found closure in my friends suicide.

I've managed to pull out of being depressed for the most part. I've decided a change of scenery is due. I plan plan on moving to a different area and higher pay. I think the constant reminder of driving through town passing houses belonging to the friends I left behind stirs up thoughts.

This is no way a success story but the struggle I've been through recently. My anxiety still gets the best of me but it helps me do my job, the only thing I find enjoyable in life. My work can be very rewarding sometimes or it feels like its ripping the soul out of me.

[Fizzyo]

Hi dotcom02,

Sorry your life and work have been so hard recently. I'm so glad you've been able to take some steps to help yourself, that shows great strength.

Best of luck with your plans and as you look for a way forward. I hope you get there soon.

[Fuzzybear]

[dotcom02]

Its over, my life is over. In a manner of 48 hours, I managed to push every last person out of my life, my parents keep checking in on me and officially feel horrible for everything I've done and said. Everything at once was getting to me, EVERYTHING! I was being contacted from everyone, the people who actually cared. I felt so overwhelmed by everything I vented everything out and told EVERYONE how I REALLY felt, the non "PG" version. I let everything out, every last thought and feeling I was having. I have EVERYONE worried at this point, but I got carried away in my moment and added some things I regret now. I finally ended the message with "Leave me the **** alone", repeated 10 times. Well I got what I asked for, I sit here alone with no friends to talk to. I even told my parents to leave me alone. I feel so horrible right now. Silence was the wrong answer. I'm so lost right now, I don't know what to do.

[Fizzyo]

Boy that's low!
Have you contacted a doctor or Pdoc? If you can't deal with friends, someone with a more detached and less personal view could be a help.

I urge you to phone a helpline when you feel this bad, I don't know what is in your area but my country's Samaritans have really helped me get through some of my worst times. There is information at the top of this page on sources of help.

I'm sorry that words feel so inadequate but I really feel for you and hope you can reach out for support somehow. Things seldom stay at this intensity for ever, though it can ***** feel like it.

[RomanSunburn]

Hi dotcom,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such intense negative feelings right now. I agree with Fizzyo that you should contact a doctor or a pdoc if you haven't already and use a helpline if necessary. I think that the people who wanted to help you before still want to help you now. I am sure if you went to your parents, they would gladly try to help you in any way they can. It's hard to ask for help, especially after telling everyone to leave you alone, but you can do it.

Please stay safe.

[dotcom02]

I just sent a text message to all my friends apologizing for everything. Its the only thing I can think of to "fix" this. The problem is I have messed up so bad I don't think it will ever be "fixed". I feel my only friend is the alcohol I drink. If they accept my apology or not, I just want them to reply SOMETHING. It could be ANYTHING, I just want a reply. I feel so horrible for what I have done. I feel like Trash.

[Fizzyo]

Originally Posted by dotcom02

I just sent a text message to all my friends apologizing for everything. Its the only thing I can think of to "fix" this. The problem is I have messed up so bad I don't think it will ever be "fixed". I feel my only friend is the alcohol I drink. If they accept my apology or not, I just want them to reply SOMETHING. It could be ANYTHING, I just want a reply. I feel so horrible for what I have done. I feel like Trash.

I don't have any helpful words but hope these communicate some of the support I'm trying to send.