In a bad place

I guess it really dawns on you about how bad of a place you're in when you find out a friend unexpectedly died and instead of fully mourning, a part of you is envious of them.

Hi Broken Forever. Yes it does show us something about ourselves. It shows me that life is overwhelming for you and you wish it was you and not them cause you can't take it anymore. Do you know secretly how many people have felt that way? You are not alone in this. Many people truthfully in their darkest corners feel things that are not pleasant or nice. It is just part of the human experience. Write you feelings down on paper, why you feel this way. And then if you can talk them over with a therapist if you have one or a good spiritual director. You will find you are not that horrible of a person for feeling a certain way. You are honest and honesty is a good thing to be with yourself. tc

Our minds are surprising, especially when you weren't expecting a feeling or thought that might seem insensitive or something.. Don't beat yourself up for thinking something that you didn't expect-people grieve in very different ways & length of time, etc. Please keep seeking out support and doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.. This forum seems really helpful to me.

Thanks to you both. Ive learned the hard way not to talk about my thoughts or feelings about things. It causes too many problems.

But there could be a way to get to talking about some of your feelings, thoughts, worries sometimes? If u don't have a therapist maybe you could keep meeting therapists until you find one you feel confident enough in.. Just a thought. Or, just keep sharing a little bit here, in case it helps u feel a little bit relieved and/or validated or supported.

I don't have one and I'm not really comfortable going to one. Things keep getting worse though. Yesterday evening another death occurred with someone I knew. Same thing, overdose..

Jeez, I'm sorry things are getting worse.. Well maybe just consider the idea of meeting a therapist one time.. Just for the reason of confronting things that make you uncomfortable..I'm just a strong believer in facing fears. I hope things get better for you.

Thank you..I'll consider it

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