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#1
Dec 13, 2015, 02:57 AM
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I'm not real sure how to say this or what to say. So I apologize in advance for any ramblings or thoughts that seem out of place.
Everyday is a big struggle for me. All I can do is goto work do my 8 hour shift and come home. If I need to do more than that takes an enormous amount of energy. Friday it took every ounce of strength to go into work. This has only worsened my depression and thus takes more energy from me. My suicidal thoughts are getting much worse almost to the point where it's all consuming. I know I need help, but how can I get help when I can't trust doctors. I have been in 2 mental hospitals. The first time was by choice and I said if I ever went back to any mental hospital I would not walk out alive. For the 2nd one I was too pissed off to want to kill myself. Something I still regret. So don't tell me to goto an ER. I can't spend my whole life sitting in an ER, not to mention they would send me to another mental hospital. Bottom line I am overwhelmed and don't know how much more I can take. I want and need help but I can't trust anyone to get it. My distrust/paranoia is so bad that even on this form nothing about my account is real. Setup a new email address just for this and haven't provided any more real information beyond that. I am not safe and I know this. Don't tell me to go to a safe place because no place like that exists on this earth. Short of going into detail I have tried to get some medicine from a friend that would kill me, but she wouldn't give it to me. I'm not mad at her for it, but I'm just disappointed she wouldn't help me. The only way you can truly understand my paranoia is if you have suffered with it yourself. If you understand where I'm coming from I am truly sorry you do. I am at my wits end and don't know where to turn. Every time I have trusted someone I have ended up regretting it. Last edited by bluekoi; Dec 13, 2015 at 12:07 PM. Reason: Add trigger icon. |
 annoyedgrunt84, Anonymous37780, Cinnamon_Stick, Fuzzybear, green0cake
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#2
Dec 13, 2015, 10:09 AM
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I'm so sorry you are suffering so badly. I don't really have anything helpful to say but just wanted to let you know that someone cares.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
 Humpty Dumpty
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#3
Dec 13, 2015, 10:54 AM
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(((((((((( Humpty Dumpty ))))))))))))
I've been badly burned and harmed by doctors (including ... (edited)  ) and have those thoughts of not wanting to be here, it gets so tiring "pretending to be ok" ... I completely distrust hospitals, something horrible happened to me in a hospital when I was 5 years old.. (and many other reasons..) I'd rather go on a journey to a hilly place (a one way ticket) than go to a Psych hospital  PM me if you want to  (maybe it isn't "paranoia" .. Maybe there is good reason to distrust some of those doctors )
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| Humpty Dumpty
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#4
Dec 13, 2015, 04:17 PM
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Humpty Dumpty
 
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#5
Dec 13, 2015, 06:59 PM
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I just feel like life takes...so much energy sometimes. I wish I had something really encouraging to say right now but at least take some solace in knowing you are not alone.
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"We can hear the night watchman click his flashlight ask himself if it's him or them that's insane"- Bob Dylan 20 mg Citalopram |
| Humpty Dumpty
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#6
Dec 13, 2015, 07:50 PM
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Hugs
Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk
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Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
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#7
Dec 13, 2015, 11:39 PM
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I know that hopeless suicidal feeling all to well. I am very sorry you feel it. What helps me is to connect with someone. The more you feel connected the better you might feel. Just know that there are people who care, like I do. You can also reach out to people on here. All it takes is to connect with one person and know you are not alone. I am sending you hugs if you want them.
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#8
Dec 14, 2015, 01:27 AM
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I don't know what to tell you really. Just be strong!
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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