[Humpty Dumpty]

I suffer with depression, suicidal ideation, & have SEVERE trust issues. I have an older brother (apx 18 months) who has suffered with depression & SI as both a teen and adult. He seems to understand more than most but not completely.

I have people all the time telling me I need to goto a mental hospital. I even debated this with my brother today. A mental hospital is supposed to keep you safe? Well I can think of 3 ways to kill myself inside. They make rounds every 15 minutes. If I'm too dumb where I can't kill myself in 15 minutes then I shouldn't be alive to begin with.

I was told to goto a P doc and tell them everything except that I want to kill myself and that I cut. Well what's the point in going if I can't even trust them to tell them everything?

[Random]

You can tell them of your suicidal ideation. Unless you have a plan and are imminently going to follow it you should be safe to discuss it without being hospitalized. I understand not wanting to be in the hospital as well but its really not that bad. I mean, I wouldnt go there for a vacation but it always seems like the end of the world and while not great, its not awful. Plus they can fiddle with your meds and see the progress on a day to day basis.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by Random

You can tell them of your suicidal ideation. Unless you have a plan and are imminently going to follow it you should be safe to discuss it without being hospitalized. I understand not wanting to be in the hospital as well but its really not that bad. I mean, I wouldnt go there for a vacation but it always seems like the end of the world and while not great, its not awful. Plus they can fiddle with your meds and see the progress on a day to day basis.

I have been to 2 hospitals and yes they were that bad. They were basically an adult daycare & the doctors weren't all that interested in you. I don't like having my freedom taken from me, which is what they do. They make you goto bed and get up on their schedule. I work till 2:30 am and normally get up around 11 or 12 in the afternoon. So I lay in bed for hours on end at night and toss and turn. So after just a few hours of sleep I walk around most the day like a zombie. They never bother to ask they just assume it's because of my depression. So more to my point of why I don't need to be in a hospital. They have a 1 size fits all mentality but I have never fit into that mold, even as a kid in school.

[Random]

I hear you, the adult daycare and not being able to leave is definitely not fun. I still think you should consider it if the alternative is worse. In my limited experience in the psych ward of hospitals though, they usually dont keep you for more than a week and if you make a stink about it you could probably be out of there within 3 days. Im not trying to cram my opinion down on you or trying to make you agree with me though. In fact, I remember feeling exactly like you do, even to the point of calling it adult daycare. Even if we cant agree about the hospital part though, to reiterate, you should be able to tell your therapist of your SI. You could even start the conversation with them about where the lines are, which ones you cant cross cause legally then they would have to take action. You can really tell them quite a bit.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I have been to 2 hospitals and yes they were that bad. They were basically an adult daycare & the doctors weren't all that interested in you. I don't like having my freedom taken from me, which is what they do. They make you goto bed and get up on their schedule. I work till 2:30 am and normally get up around 11 or 12 in the afternoon. So I lay in bed for hours on end at night and toss and turn. So after just a few hours of sleep I walk around most the day like a zombie. They never bother to ask they just assume it's because of my depression. So more to my point of why I don't need to be in a hospital. They have a 1 size fits all mentality but I have never fit into that mold, even as a kid in school.

I work nights so I'd be the same as you there. I often wonder if I should go and receive 'proper' help but there is no way I could go after reading this. If I'm going to lay in bed all night with no one around, I might as well stay at home.

[kecanoe]

I've been in the hospital twice. I agree it is bad to not be able to leave, but if you go in voluntarily you can leave. You just have to go thru their PITA steps. They are just trying to keep you safe.

One advantage of going was that I was able to be tested for mental illnesses while I was there. Another is that I learned a lot about trauma and responses to trauma. Another is that I was safe. And I got the week off from stressful and triggering things.

They probably will mess your meds, which can be a good thing or a bad thing. Most meds for mental illness are a guessing game; they work differently on different individuals.

In the hospital I was in, you could talk to an aide or a nurse if you were up in the middle of the night. They made us get up early but didn't have a set bedtime. You can also request sleeping pills when you see the dr.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I've been in the hospital twice. I agree it is bad to not be able to leave, but if you go in voluntarily you can leave. You just have to go thru their PITA steps. They are just trying to keep you safe.

One advantage of going was that I was able to be tested for mental illnesses while I was there. Another is that I learned a lot about trauma and responses to trauma. Another is that I was safe. And I got the week off from stressful and triggering things.

They probably will mess your meds, which can be a good thing or a bad thing. Most meds for mental illness are a guessing game; they work differently on different individuals.

In the hospital I was in, you could talk to an aide or a nurse if you were up in the middle of the night. They made us get up early but didn't have a set bedtime. You can also request sleeping pills when you see the dr.

Thanks for the reassurance. I think I need a full mental illness screening. Basically to put a name to how I feel. I just wish it was an in and out process

[gayleggg]

You can't. You have to be honest with your treatment team however if you tell them about the suicidal plans they may send you to the hospital.

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[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

You can't. You have to be honest with your treatment team however if you tell them about the suicidal plans they may send you to the hospital.

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I don't have plans but most of the time I'd be okay with dropping dead. I'm not sure if normal people feel that way. My doctor keeps upping my dose and I feel even more depressed, irritated, I had hypomania and I feel psychotic now.

[ChipperMonkey]

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

It's up to you to figure out how to trust. Otherwise you're only hurting yourself.

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by jbuttz

I don't have plans but most of the time I'd be okay with dropping dead. I'm not sure if normal people feel that way. My doctor keeps upping my dose and I feel even more depressed, irritated, I had hypomania and I feel psychotic now.

I'm sorry things are so bad for you. I understand having that feeling of wanting to die but not having a plan. It's a sad place to be. I hope things get better soon.

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