[Desolatex]

Im 17 years old and it may seem like I couldnt have severe loneliness but I do. I have never had friends outside of school so I see people at school bragging about going out to parties and stuff. But recently I met this guy and he swore he wasnt going to use me and I told him I was shy and stuff, well he took me somewhere secluded and he made me do things I now regret but at the time I was so lonely... I have had 4 different psychiatrists including ones in the hospital in which I stayed for 8 months and they have all diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. I have been on so many medications and they havent worked... Im so lonely and its starting to take a toll, my chest hurts a lot of the time when I cry about being lonely. One time I had a very sharp pain in my chest and I thought I was having a heart attack but im only 17.. Im also very suicidal and often imagine killing myself but I dont want to tell my therapist because I dont want to go to the hospital again. I just need help. Im sorry this is very scrambling and such but my grandparents are screaming and I cant think straight..

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[ComfortablyNumb5]

Wow I'm sorry about that guy taking advantage of you. I'm not saying all men lie but trust me when I say "I promise I won't hurt you" has come out of every bf's mouth lol. And unfortunately some say it and still take advantage. Do you talk to people at school? Do you make an effort to engage in convo or join one? How about social networking? Maybe you can get involved with some kind of groups outside of school? As far as the pain in your chest, it could be anxiety. Are you on meds for anxiety or depression? It might be something to consider. And sorry to say it but you need help ASAP for your suicidal ideation. Are you self harming at all? It's important that you be open with your tdoc. And I'm curious as to why you see 4 diff pdocs?

[Desolatex]

Yes I talk to people at school and I do try to engage in conversations but its more just meaningless conversation to pass time which doesnt help in the long run. In the past I have tried social networking and have gotten man friends from it but its just not the same as having someone to talk to in person.. I do take medicine for depression, anxiety, and to boost my appetite since I dont eat much. Over the years I have been to 4 different pdocs because of financial, my own problems etc. I havent self harmed in about 5 months I just think

Possible trigger:

of ways I could kill myself and imagine it happening

but I dont want to tell my therapist or psychiatrist because I dont want to go back to the hospital...

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[Mountainbard]

A person can be severely lonely at any age, and being so lonely can make us do things we wish we hadn't. I'm sorry this guy took advantage of you-- but that's just what he did. It's not your fault. I'm sorry you've had bad luck with meds, but try to hold onto the spark of hope that brought you here. You will find things with help, whether meds or otherwise. I understand your not wanting to go to the hospital again. But your therapist needs all the relevant information in order to help you. You can also find a lot of help-- in the form of support, good feedback, and encouragement-- here, so keep posting.