of surviving.

of just existing. not living.

of coping and trying to cope.

of sticking around for people who don't give a **** about me deep down.

of having headaches and poor sleep despite my efforts to become healthy.

of staying clean/sober.

of having no one to talk to when i'm lonely.

of being lonely.

of trying with all my might to get somewhere, and getting nowhere.

of not having love or anyone to really be there for me.

of arguing.

of struggle.

of being a 'good girl'.

of being a girl.

of not enjoying anything anymore.

oh, and did i say i'm tired of existing.

(sorry, hard night.)

I feel almost exactly the same. I'm sorry you are struggling, hope things look up for you soon

[IrisBloom]

I've found for every up in life there's a down. The good news is, for every down, there is an up. Life won't always be what it is now. You are starting your adult life. Make things happen. No one is going to hand you what you want. Get on it, Girl!

[gayleggg]

I tired, too. I can sympathize.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Nix]

I also feel deeply exhausted by my depression. I hope that things look up soon. You can always PM me if you want someone to talk to… I know it's not the same as having someone in person, and I don't have many answers because I'm in the same kind of situation, but sometimes in a pinch it can help.

Originally Posted by IrisBloom

You are starting your adult life. Make things happen. No one is going to hand you what you want. Get on it, Girl!

i know this. i'm offended that you seem to think i'm not already trying. i am. my entire op was about how i am tired of trying.

[Clara22]

[Clara22]

Sometimes, we just cannot do it by ourselves, we need assistance. That's why the state needs to provide real support and not only safety nets,so should the community. I do not subscribe to the idea that individuals can always overcome everything. Solidarity is needed in the world, in a broader sense.

[IrisBloom]

I didn't mean to offend you. Just trying to give you a pep talk. I know how it is to be tired of trying. I've been there many times.

Originally Posted by Clara22

Sometimes, we just cannot do it by ourselves, we need assistance. That's why the state needs to provide real support and not only safety nets,so should the community. I do not subscribe to the idea that individuals can always overcome everything. Solidarity is needed in the world, in a broader sense.

i agree. sometimes the only solidarity i get is here on PC... if it weren't for the lovely people here I would be completely isolated and alone.

Originally Posted by IrisBloom

I didn't mean to offend you. Just trying to give you a pep talk. I know how it is to be tired of trying. I've been there many times.

it's okay. i'm very irritable today for some reason, so i hope you didn't take my frustration personally.

[IrisBloom]

It's ok

okay, here's part 2!

i'm tired of them getting drunk every damn night of the week. i do not think they understand how depressing it is to be the only sober person in the house, especially when it happens every night.

i'm tired of them playing their ****** music all evening & night long as well. i can only hear the same song 10 times before i wanna tear my hair out. i keep my earbuds in and listen to my own music for the most part, but it's been 5 hours and i'm running out of music to listen to. not to mention i have to do this almost every evening now, for hours at a time. on top of this i have a headache (tired of those, too).

i'm tired of feeling like a guest in this house. i mean, i know that i don't contribute anything financially, but i try my best to be helpful, quiet, and out of the way. plus i'm family, and i dunno, but i feel like that should mean something. my parents, however, can be as loud as they want and disturb me. interrupt me, whatever. but i get shat on for being nice. okay.

i'm tired of every day being a struggle to get through because of the above things.

i'm tired of hearing his voice, it makes me want to rage. i know it's because of past abuse and that he's mellowed out a lot these past few months. but still. i can't just rewire my brain to forget. i feel like that is what people expect me to do.

i'm tired of not having a real family.

oh, and speaking of expectations; i'm tired of people who expect me to have a job and be in school right now. it wouldn't be a stretch if i were neurotypical. but i'm depressive with both generalized and social anxiety who hates herself. they don't understand how hard it is for me to just get through the day sometimes, let alone try to integrate my pathetic self into society. damn worker bee culture.

i'm tired of being hungry but also tired of being fat. i don't know which side to let win (hungry right now).

i'm tired of having this damn urge to cut myself. i do not need to cut. it's been 3 months, why do i still have urges anyway? sometimes it all feels not worth it. there's no reward, just urges and the never-ending struggle to not give in to them.

i'm tired of being stalled in my writing. i know it's the depression and that i can't much help it except by showing compassion to myself and not pushing it. but i am so tired of having to show phony compassion to myself. why can't someone else do it for once. a little love from someone else would be better. why is that always too much to ask.

[Fuzzybear]

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by ennui.

okay, here's part 2!

i'm tired of them getting drunk every damn night of the week. i do not think they understand how depressing it is to be the only sober person in the house, especially when it happens every night.

i'm tired of them playing their ****** music all evening & night long as well. i can only hear the same song 10 times before i wanna tear my hair out. i keep my earbuds in and listen to my own music for the most part, but it's been 5 hours and i'm running out of music to listen to. not to mention i have to do this almost every evening now, for hours at a time. on top of this i have a headache (tired of those, too).

i'm tired of feeling like a guest in this house. i mean, i know that i don't contribute anything financially, but i try my best to be helpful, quiet, and out of the way. plus i'm family, and i dunno, but i feel like that should mean something. my parents, however, can be as loud as they want and disturb me. interrupt me, whatever. but i get shat on for being nice. okay.

i'm tired of every day being a struggle to get through because of the above things.

i'm tired of hearing his voice, it makes me want to rage. i know it's because of past abuse and that he's mellowed out a lot these past few months. but still. i can't just rewire my brain to forget. i feel like that is what people expect me to do.

i'm tired of not having a real family.

oh, and speaking of expectations; i'm tired of people who expect me to have a job and be in school right now. it wouldn't be a stretch if i were neurotypical. but i'm depressive with both generalized and social anxiety who hates herself. they don't understand how hard it is for me to just get through the day sometimes, let alone try to integrate my pathetic self into society. damn worker bee culture.

i'm tired of being hungry but also tired of being fat. i don't know which side to let win (hungry right now).

i'm tired of having this damn urge to cut myself. i do not need to cut. it's been 3 months, why do i still have urges anyway? sometimes it all feels not worth it. there's no reward, just urges and the never-ending struggle to not give in to them.

i'm tired of being stalled in my writing. i know it's the depression and that i can't much help it except by showing compassion to myself and not pushing it. but i am so tired of having to show phony compassion to myself. why can't someone else do it for once. a little love from someone else would be better. why is that always too much to ask.

You are entitled to be tired

thank you fuzzy & clara. pc is such a supportive place. i always feel better after ranting here.

i don't know what i'm going to do tnight when they get drunk again. i guess if they play music i'll just watch some movies or something.