[RachelLyn915]

Hello,
I am confused and frustrated. I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD, a somotaform disorder and phobia disorder... To be specific health anxiety/phobia. I've seen a lot of bad things in my short 26 year old life involving bad health and death. My grandma, dad and fiancé all battled cancer. My grandma had it under control and then died from respiratory failure. My dad beat 2 types of cancer but suffered greatly from the effects and died from congestive heart failure that went undetected. My fiancé died from his second battle with cancer.

Now, I am afraid of disease and dying. Now that I no longer have everyday anxiety about something happening to them, there should no longer be a dark cloud looming over me, I feel it worse than ever. A good amount of time has passed and I have moved on with a good man and should be happy but I'm not. I feel terrible all of the time.

It started when I lost my house in October. I have felt terrible ever single day since. It's almost always different symptoms each day that rotate. One day it will be chest pain, another day it will be a stomach ache and bloating, others it will be my ears are sensitive and hurt, etc. Its a vicious cycle and they always come back.

What I have been feeling most recently is weakness. My muscles feel weak or fatigued. I don't want to get out of bed or go do anything because I feel like I'm going to fall over. I can't enjoy anything because I am so worried that there is something seriously wrong with me even though the doctors say it's anxiety.

Now my mom and boyfriend think I have depression, but it's hard for me to believe that because I don't feel sad. I don't cry, I don't want to cry. The only real emotion that I feel is fear. However, I do see that I am having a hard time enjoying my life. I don't want to sit and do nothing but there isn't anything I really want to do and if there is something I want to do I feel like I can't.

Does anybody else feel this way? For some reason it's easier for me to believe a person who has been where I am than a doctor.

[Skeezyks]

Hello RachelLyn915: I enjoy reading about & watching TV programs that deal with current research regarding the brain. One of the things that keeps coming up is that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we typically imagine. So, although consciously you may have reconciled with your past struggles, non-conscious areas of your brain may not have.

I certainly have had similar experiences to the ones you are having now. Part of it, for me at this point, is that I'm older. As a result, I have allot of aches & pains that I presume are age-related. But also, I believe allot of it is related to my years of anxiety & depression. I also find that I don't want to do much, although I do make myself do some things whether I want to or not. But again, since I am aging, there isn't allot I have to do, & I have made peace with it.

I feel like I have a lot of fears myself. You have been through so much, it sounds like. So have I. But I feel that I have not had as much. I am getting up there in age myself and alone. My parents have passed away (both seemed to have passed away unpleasantly). And just recently my brother passed away and he was only two years older than me. He died of lung cancer. But he did do an awful lot of smoking and a lot of drinking and drugs. I was surprised that he lived as long as he did (at age 60).

I had cancer (prostate) myself. As of now I'm cancer free. But I would never know what could come up next. I've had a few basel cell skin cancers; and just a few days ago, I had a biopsy for something that looked suspicious. I have not received the results yet, but my mind has been in a whirlwind.

When I had the surgery last year for the prostate, I got the medical bills; and it nearly wiped me out. Fortunately I was able to pay and I have recovered financially a little bit. I have a fear that I could go broke and lose my place. But most of all, I have fears about growing older and having things wrong with me. Especially at being alone. But I do have a lot of paralyzing fears that just exhausts me and sends me into depression.

It seems like to me there's much more cancer going around than there used to be. And other things going wrong. Things are not the way it used to be in this great country of ours. Maybe it's just the end times, who knows?

[Fizzyo]

That is a lot of loss you have survived, maybe the house was a reminder and a last straw.
I really feel for you.

I think, whether or not your exhaustion is due to depression, or you're worn out by anxiety,
Some medical and/or therapeutic help may be beneficial.

Also being kind to yourself, and allowing some recovery time with support from your Mom and boyfriend will hopefully bring some healing.

I hope you can get the support you need.

[Fuzzybear]