A choice between two kinds of despair

As you can probably guess by my username, I’ve never needed people much. Over the years I’ve learned how to make friends and I can enjoy spending time with friends, but I still generally hate larger group situations and I have pretty much zero tolerance for difficult people. I can’t stand all the fakery that seems to be required to fit into a group, and in larger groups it seems like there is always one arrogant or self-righteous jerk that dominates the conversation. I’m also a highly sensitive person which doesn’t help. People have given me strategies for dealing with these situations, but I haven’t found one that works. Throughout my childhood/adolescence I was often pushed into social situations which sometimes turned ugly (bullying, etc) and I still feel resentment because of that. In a lot of ways I don’t really want to learn how to deal with people and just want to be left alone.

Several years ago I failed out of a teaching certification program because of my inability/unwillingness to play politics. Recently I quit a tech job after an unwanted promotion six months earlier that forced me to spend a lot more time in meetings with difficult co-workers, which often ruined the day for me and made me dread coming to work.

I do want to do something meaningful with my life. I’m pretty sure that if I spent the next 10 years living alone and working at some solitary boring job (e.g. accounting) I would eventually really regret it. But I’m starting to feel like whatever I might actually want to pursue, eventually some person or group of people will come along and make everything miserable.

My therapist says I tend to see life as a choice between two kinds of despair, solitary emptiness or chronic emotional pain. That seems pretty accurate. And I have a hard time seeing another alternative.

Hello, LostIntrovert. Therapists have their own variety of perspectives. Given your excellent sense of yourself, you might find it valuable to talk to a few vocational counselors.

Sometimes the best "therapy" is provided by non-therapists.

Similar but different for me Lost... But I can relate. My introversion has led me to a different path and currently a different regret.

I like Rohag's observation and idea. I think with a little work you could find something that suits you. For me computer coding has always seemed like a good path where I could work alone and thoroughly enjoy and accomplish something, I just haven't been able to drag myself there. Hope that you can find your place and some satisfaction for your life, I believe it is possible for you.

Thanks for the suggestion, Rohag. By a vocational counselor, you mean a career counselor? I've talked to career counselors before who mostly focused on career choices and resumes, interview skills, etc. Do they deal with stuff like social phobia at work, politics, etc?

Yes, though they may have different titles in different institutions.
Usually not, unless you inform them ahead of time. Some counselors are not equipped to address such issues, but some either are or are willing to learn or refer you to a colleague with the right experience.

Your chances of finding a career counselor who can work with you are probably higher in urban areas with lots of services.