[Fuzzybear]

I've been told by a pdoc that my "level of functioning is quite good, except for the anxiety"

Not much of a compliment but they must have their opinions

So why oh why do I (on some level) believe the pernicious lies another "doctor" .....

Why do such lies lacerate my heart like a dagger

I suppose, because I've always felt unwanted, " flawed", and alone despite all the evidence to the contrary

The family of origin were not capable of loving...

And didn't teach me much of anything..

But, apparently, this was "my fault"

I'm not angry really, mostly sad and tired

[Skeezyks]

[little turtle]

fuzzy are you at fault

[Fuzzybear]

Am I at fault?
Rationally the answer would be no..
But that doesn't stop the Sui ideation and scary thoughts

If I told a doctor about the Sui ideation, they would likely increase my meds

(I'm allergic to most meds, and I also think the Paxil I was on for many years has harmed me physically )

I stopped the Paxil without any help from a doctor (I had tried asking them for help, only to receive the reply that I'm not a "priority"

I was feeling positive, I had positive plans

I was then hit by yet another scary event which would scare and... anyone

Originally Posted by little turtle

fuzzy are you at fault

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Am I at fault?
Rationally the answer would be no..
But that doesn't stop the Sui ideation and scary thoughts

If I told a doctor about the Sui ideation, they would likely increase my meds

(I'm allergic to most meds, and I also think the Paxil I was on for many years has harmed me physically )

are you talking with a psychologist

[Fuzzybear]

Not at the moment, I suppose I'll have to look for one privately again
(I live in the UK - they "prioritise" people, (especially regarding referrals to the "mental health" system.. And actually with the "mental health" helping rather than discharging them with a new label (?) I don't know the details and don't really think I want to know )

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Not at the moment, I suppose I'll have to look for one privately again
(I live in the UK - they "prioritise" people, (especially regarding referrals to the "mental health" system.. And actually with the "mental health" helping rather than discharging them with a new label (?) I don't know the details and don't really think I want to know )

I don't blame you...what a mess..i would not like someone upping my meds
because I would talk about suicide....what do you think would help you the most...

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Rationally the answer would be no.

My emotions and will have not been taking orders from my "rational" mind for a long time, if ever...

((((((( Fuzzybear! )))))))

[Frankbtl]

Hi Fuzzy,

I'd say that the "family" of origin taught you/ingrained in you TOO MUCH of their lies..........because in the REAL world...........away from their lies.........well you are nothing of the **** they told you, you were............you Fuzzy are a very special person
And the first "doctor"...........well you trusted him..........you were vulnerable...........and he fed into the lies you were taught............
But at least now you're strides ahead.............you recognise the "family" for what they were, you know that some "doctors" were/this "doctor" was completely incompetent, and you know that there's actual evidence which disputes the lies.
So, I know that it seriously isn't easy, but keep on challenging that "stuff", hey?? And hopefully the conclusion from this pdoc can be (or develop into) a positive thing??
Although we've always known that you're awesome!!!



Alison

[Frankbtl]

Fuzzy,

I read back on the support/talking about things..........
And I don't know if this link might help..........or if it covers your area..........but:
MHM » Helpline



Alison

[cloudyn808]

I'm so sorry the original family was cruel. Mine was too. Lots of abuse over many years really takes a toll. Every day I have to remind myself I am worthy of living life and breathing air. You are a lovely lil bear and you mean a great deal to us!

[Clara22]

Do you feel that even insignificant stuff triggers Sui ideas? I don't know, maybe you have not found the right tools yet. Maybe a psychologist or a new discipline like mindfulness could do the trick

[RomanSunburn]

[vonmoxie]

I believe this: that no matter the situation we are born into, we are each of us born into an inalienable state of grace, which cannot be altered by appearances, by circumstances, or by the influence and intentions of other people. It cannot even ultimately be altered by our own actions.

I still have truly terrible moments, where I catastrophize and think my own situation the terrible result of some inferiority I supposedly possess. I ideate. I isolate. I drown in the soup of depressive thought, the abyss of sadness...

But it's not true! No no no! I am a beautiful child of whatever divine energy allows and propels us to exist, and no one can take that from me. And no one can take it from you. You were born with your fuzzy dignity in tow, and none can pry it from you even though at times it can seem and feel that way.

I hope I have not spoken out of turn. The above is offered in my unabashed love of Fuzzy, a being whom I have never met but of whose grace I am sure.