[guiltier65]

my dad is having surgery tomorrow for an obstructed bowel. I am trapped at work. I have delegated my daughter into taking my mom up to the hospital and I just plain feel guilty. I am starting to realize how enmeshed my life is with mom and dad's. It doesn't help that I am an only child, who else can they turn to? My husband can't take my place today because he is taking his 83 year old mom to try and get her driver's license. She shouldn't be driving, so we're hoping that she'll fail the test. But he is also an only child, so chauffering duties will fall on him or us. Mainly him, because she and I don't get a long and that is one of the few boundaries that i have set. So I feel guilty about the fact that he helps with my parents, but I don't help with his mom. Is it any wonder that I feel hopeless and trapped?

[elevatedsoul]

well...
i have 3 brothers, 1 sister, and 2 step brothers...

but i can relate...

have you tried reading a little about the guilt trap...?
think that we get stuck in this trap a lot...

here just a couple links about it - probably some better articles on it somewhere though...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...the-guilt-trap

4 Mindsets To Beat The Guilt Trap

just wnted to say i get it, ya know...

[Fizzyo]

No wonder at all.

Originally Posted by guiltier65

my dad is having surgery tomorrow for an obstructed bowel. I am trapped at work. I have delegated my daughter into taking my mom up to the hospital and I just plain feel guilty. I am starting to realize how enmeshed my life is with mom and dad's. It doesn't help that I am an only child, who else can they turn to? My husband can't take my place today because he is taking his 83 year old mom to try and get her driver's license. She shouldn't be driving, so we're hoping that she'll fail the test. But he is also an only child, so chauffering duties will fall on him or us. Mainly him, because she and I don't get a long and that is one of the few boundaries that i have set. So I feel guilty about the fact that he helps with my parents, but I don't help with his mom. Is it any wonder that I feel hopeless and trapped?

No, it isn't surprising. This is how it is with family though. It's complicated and confusing and messy. I loved my father because he was my father. I hated him because he wasn't very good at being a father. But he did make sure (albeit reluctantly usually) that I had food to eat and a place to sleep. So as an adult I took my turn to drive him to chemotherapy treatments and sat with him while he died. Similar situation with my mother except that she was a better parent. When she became very ill I became her caretaker. And when she died I felt guilt even so. The only advice I can offer is to push through. This situation won't last forever. I wish I could say the guilt doesn't. Maybe in your case it won't.