[knightfallsbelow]

Hi guys. It's been while since I have posted. I've
Been on a roller coaster. I've been in and out of the hospital
Three times and should probably still be in one. I am seeing a new psychologist and he is a great guy. He is trying his best to help me but I am beginning to feel that there is no help for me. Honestly, the only reason I am still alive is because it of my husband. I can't imagine his going on if i were to end it. But when will
His love no longer be enough to keep me here? I sit awake in the middle of the night and contemplate ending it all. Will my psychologist get me to stop this behavior? Do I want to live? Some part of me must want to if I am seeking help.

[Clara22]

Hi
I am very sorry you are struggling that much. Have you had too many stressful situations lately? I am asking this because to me when I have more stressful situations than I can handle I feel too overwhelmed and then my depression worsens

[knightfallsbelow]

No extra stressful situations. I quit my job so I don't have that stressor either. The greatest stressor I have is the facto that I no longer have a job. But we live with my dad so we have a roof over our heads and food in our mouth.

[Clara22]

Do you have a pyschiatrist in addition to your therapist ? To me, medication is important the first months after a depression "wave"

[knightfallsbelow]

I do have a psychiatrist. Part of the problem is he recently changed my antidepressant because the ssris they tried on me didn't work. So until the antidepressant reaches clinical level in my system I am on a depression roller coaster. I might still be once I am at clinical level they may need to up the dosage.

My husband woke up and I told him I'm having a rough time and he is doing everything in his power to cheer me up. Oh how I wish it were that simple. But I love him for it. He is a great guy.