[wickedwings]

my life doesn't seem real. all of my memories seem like they don't belong to me, but to someone else. don't know what to make of that.

[Sunybear]

I know the feeling... its even worse when the people in those memories remember it the opposite of what you do... then you REALLY wonder if maybe it was a past life or something.. or maybe it was a different dimension like the Twilight Zone.

I'm learning to trust myself and my memories.... why would I be remembering it at all if I wasn't the one there? And why would I make up some of this stuff? Have you asked yourself anything like that before?

Good Luck!Sunybear

[gostryter]

i feel like that sometimes. i think maybe we've spent so much time trying to create a reality on the surface that's not really how we feel or who we are that eventually the lines blur. did i have a wonderful time that day or not? did i like that activity or not? all just a blur

in a sense alot of our memories weren't ours. they were the fake us.

[Sunybear]

Yes..always hiding behind the mask...never able to let the real you out..

[wickedwings]

yeah. especially when i tried to fix myself or make my own life better for myself (not for anyone else, but for myself), i wonder. then again, it could be the depression doing this. or the depression's memory retention issues. or the medication side effects making me foggy-headed in the present. it's weird, for sure, remembering all the stuff in my life, even the good memories and wonderful people, that seems unreal and not my own memories. i don't know if that's a result of the changing through so many facets of depression and medications. when i asked my pdoc about it, he said that trauma can do this, since i had been raped as a child. but, i've worked through all the issues i've had in my life over the years, so my past don't cause me much problems. ptsd is very rare for me nowadays, which is only once or twice a year. i was really proactive about my mental health well-being over the years by reading self-help books and stuff that really helped me. with therapists, i miss out too much because of my profound deafness, so that's why i took my mental health issues into my own hands. thanks to albert einstein's proactiveness in his own education that inspired me to do that. anyway, i have wonderful memories that i wish i could recall with more clarity, but they're so cloudy - memories of my grandpa who died 4 years ago, my pets that passed away in my life, relatives i haven't seen for years. all those memories are becoming so freaking transparent that i feel like i'm losing my memories. i still remember, but it feels like it's all going to go away. there are special people i absolutely don't want to forget. i write those memories down, but it doesn't feel like it's going to be enough.

[Sunybear]

Sometimes I think I walked through my life in a daze, looking out from a bubble or something.. going through the motions.. putting on the smile at the right times... being "normal"... yet not feeling any of it...

Have you tried writing down memories?Just a thought... Sunybear

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wickedwings~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



right by your side...

t/c

me

[gostryter]

writing down stuff is definitely a great way to remember!

maybe you could talk to people who knew the people/pets you want to remember. ask them what their memories were of those people/pets. that may help you remember something you'd forgotten or were kinda hazy on.

that's nice your trying to remember the good stuff!! i LOVE to think back and remember simpler times from when i was a kid!!

good luck with your remembering!!!!

Pictures, slideshows, and sticky notes is how I get thru the day. My memory is gone, don't know if it's the meds or what. But i surround myself with the past to keep me in the present.

[wickedwings]

yeah, i have a memory book that i kept for years, with all the good memories that i have. good and funny, including the things that i'm grateful for in life. i took my old photos, scanned them, and fixed them up into a digital photo album, since i know photos don't last forever. they would last longer in the cyberspace of my computer and cd's. it was one heck of a long project to do that, but i did it. still, i feel like all of that would slip away in time and i would see those as if it was someone else who wrote the memories and took the photographs (i took most of the photos, since i was always an amateur photographer). all the good i had in my life made me into who i am, and i don't want to lose all that. the good memories of who i loved are so precious to me. i can hardly remember my first cat, robby. it makes me sad that i can't remember much of him because he was a really good cat. he deserves to be remembered.

[Juliaspavlov]

(((wicked wings))) maybe you haven't had good happenings to become good memories for awhile. Your life wont become fake despite feeling the way you do. If its ok to say..the creator remembers for you... if you dont feel the same then pls ignore...anyway i havent forgot a nice chat you had with me..you are a loving generous person.....luv Jjulia.

i feel alot of the same way often. in fact yesterday i read something on this woman who came up with memores and they were torturing here and later she found out they arent real. It terrified me. Terrified!!

I found I felt fake until I begun to feel my feelings. With those split off from my everday awareness, I felt on awaking that I was hiding something awful from everyone, from me. It was like I was living a secret life except even I didnt know what the secret was.

I felt overshadowed by something all the time, felt like there was something horrid lurking in me somewhere.

Now I am begining to experience my emotions, I am learning I am real. More of me wakes up in the morning.

[wickedwings]

((((((mouse))))) that's what i felt when i first had depression when i was 20. i know that feeling.

((((esther)))) i know about false memories. it's freaky. i've heard and read about them, so i know how you feel.

((((julia))))) i wish i could remember our chats, but i don't. i do remember your name and that i've chatted with you. thank you for your words.