At 09:07 this morning I felt hopeless (wrote about it in the long-term thread). I decided to try to motivate myself to try to make a prevention-plan to «save myself» from falling deeper into depression. This happened:

I read through old notes and found that order in what to do (scheduling) is very important for me when I’m on my downward road.

Felt like that didn’t matter (don’t care).

Read that I should pay my bills in time (got the «I don’t care» feeling).

Persuaded myself to write on-line, step by step, what I’m doing to prevent falling deeper into depression (that is what I’m doing now).

Collected my bills to pay them on-line and did at the same time put forth one of my pre-made sheets for writing down how I follow my schedule (started to feel as one person among many, I mean I could see myself as one of the many who tries to use their personal tools to prevent symptoms. That helped a bit, but not much .)

Had to push myself hard to be able to pay the bills. (Started self-blaming, but reminded myself about that depressed persons often have problems doing the slightest thing. Felt proud enough to have made these little things, to be able to make a meal not so difficult to prepare). Body tension very high.

Forced myself to eat the dinner. It felt as if it was a burden to open my mouth.

I’m waiting for my coffee to be ready to drink.

I don’t feel much better, but I think that I have prevented a further development of the depression. When tomorrow comes I hope to benefit from the feeling of «being on the road». I think it will help me to continue at the good path, hopefully, because this is a start.

After drinking my coffee, I will shower. I really think I will make it.

Thank you for reading!

It is the feeling of being in some sort of companionship with other strugglers that seems to be a strong motivation here. Pardon me for posting this, but know that it is of help for me.

[cryingontheinside]

I am suffering so much. I don't see any way out , I'm glad your able to help yourself

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[elevatedsoul]

every little thing we can do to try to help is a small victory...

i wish there was an easy way to fix it all, but i guess this is a chronic thing...

keep fighting it, its good to try not to lose focus...

i've been dealing with this for so long though it just seems like this is how i was made... not sure if there is a way to get better, as i didnt fall into depression... i was born this way

Thank you for your answers, Cryingontheinside, Elevatedsoul, and Omegalamed, !!

It was a little start in the right direction for me yesterday. We are all different. What works for one doesn’t have to work for another. I have done a lot of work in observing my triggers over time. I know what to do when different triggers occur. Usually I’m able to do that without announcing it, but yesterday I felt so fragile, so it was a help telling about it to others I know struggle. I’m still struggling, but feel that now I have put myself on the right path.

The only thing I can recommend to others is to use time to observe their triggers and use time to try out different types of behavior to replace the behavior (feelings, doings, thoughts …) that makes the trouble. It takes time, and there are steps forward and backward, but it’s well worth to try.

One of the best «helpers» for me is to have a daily plan, not only for work and study, but for spare-time as well. Such a plan helps one to come through the days without getting sidetracked, and if there is set apart time to work with oneself (thinking, planning, deciding), slowly, slowly it will go forward. Some says that a daily plan makes life rigid. When they say so, they have no idea how hard it is to live with memories throwing one down. Life does not become rigid if one sets apart time to do whatever one wants for a time-limited period. There is a time for everything …

Thanks again and receive my hopes for you!

[Fuzzybear]