Why do they hate me so?

Long story short, my brothers and I have the same mom but different fathers, about two years ago during my freshman year of college, they decided to leave my mom and me because we are poor and my mom has some mental issues. This made me so distraught, I became anorexic depressed and suicidal. I recently got into contact with them last year, and their dad was like they love you but don't want to talk to you.

My depression over this is about to take me over, I constantly think about suicide because I have so much grief. I practically helped raise them and it is like a stab in the heart. I try to focus on college but I often feel like giving up on life. I feel sad because I will never know if they are alive, I will never go to their funeral, I feel like a worthless human being. I am 20 and have shut myself from the world.

Any suggestions to overcome this? This grief is tearing me apart, not a day goes by that I don't think about them.

Is there anywhere you could go for some grief counseling.......someone to help you work through this. Maybe the college has someone.?
Please try ok.
Wanting the best for you.

Hello

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this, and it sounds so terrible

It's not your fault, and as a matter of fact, you're doing the best you can though you're busy with college and with your mom, and there's only so much one individual can do
On your brothers' side, I don't know if that was their own personal decision or if it was forced on them by their dad or someone else, but all I know is that you didn't cause this to happen

As a minor solution, talk therapy is quite helpful. Talking about a problem with a professional who will listen to you entirely until you finish is actually great if you can afford it, because once you talk about the problem that is breaking you, you will find that most of its weight is now off your back, and you'll then probably be able to rationalize things between you and yourself and be able to solve the problem with more efficiency. And, judging by the way you put it: "...not a day goes by that I don't think about them.", this means that you're always just thinking about them everyday, not talking about them everyday, so I absolutely suggest talking to someone about it, because thinking about the problem repeatedly will only continue, because it's a symptom of lower serotonin levels, and it's a major factor in some serotonin-based conditions like depression and OCD with all the repeated negative thoughts.
Talking won't solve the problem entirely, but it's a threshold, and by taking the first step, to me you're already there!

It's important to know that grief is an emotion that the universe has allowed us to experience, and we shouldn't beat ourselves for feeling that way

Many hugs

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It must be awful to be shunned by those you love and have cared for. I agree with the others talk therapy would probably help.

Thank You so much. I agree, counseling may help.

Thank You for your reply. It has provided me with a lot of comfort and advice to talk to someone about it.

I would say that their father may be influencing them negatively . they are loosing out on a sister. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Maybe they will change as they get older . try to stay strong and well. This is not your fault

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