[BDDX]

I feel like my life is kind of wasted, or at least I don't know how to position myself into a place where I can be happy. I'm not even sure how to be honestly happy.

I'm in my mid 30s, I'm in a job I don't like, but I failed to find another. I'm single, which came after an under 2 year relationship several years ago, only the second in my entire lifetime and by far the longest (the first lasted a month). Being single ended up being some kind of choice because I feel a bit separated from people, I don't feel like I connect, or that I belong.

It's a bit the story of my life, trying different things, different groups, trying to find people and places where I belong, and I found it much harder to enjoy other people's company, than them enjoying mine. But at the same time, I feel lonely, so that's problematic as well.

I've been seeing shrinks for over a decade, far longer than I've been in a relationship. More than one, depending on my opportunities. I've also seen doctors, called suicide hotlines, turned towards friends and family, basically if it's in "the book", I've done it, I've done my part.

And I see the years wasting away, I'm miserable, I've been like that for so long, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like everything I'm being fed is the same kind of generic stuff I can expect, or a lot of "I don't know what's wrong with you".

To make matters worst, I started a big project about my passion a few years ago (it's not, but let's say a movie), and I've invested a ton of money, started a company, all those things which everything I read said I should follow. And it's just not working out, I basically lost years of life sayings, retirement funds, borrowed money, and the result is frankly mediocre. It'll be immediately forgotten once it's released.

So I don't know what to do anymore. I've become bitter, I cry all the time, today I smashed my keyboard in two out of rage. And I can't even stop the project lest I destroy the smallest bit of momentum I have. And I feel like I'm pushing people around me away, I've becomed this mopey, desperate guy which I hate.

I just don't know what to do, I don't see any solutions, no one has offered me anything. Not friends, family, doctors, psychiatrists. What am I supposed to do?!

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Hey BDDX! Welcome to Psych Central

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and that you feel like there seems to be no hope for a better life

It's important right now to at least try and balance the chemicals in your body in order to bring the mood up and give you hope The way to do that should be natural without prescription drugs or any approach that is toxic, and that's why you need a p-doc for meds because because in order for them to be affective they must be prescribed in toxic doses which means they have terrible side-effects, and you need someone professional for that. A lot of depressed individuals lack the mineral lithium in their brains, a condition otherwise called lithium deficiency, and the best way to go about it is to take a supplement called Lithium Orotate, not lithium carbonate or any other unhealthy and toxic way to acquire the mineral. Taking it without having much carbohydrates or sugar during the day is pivotal, and taking omega-3 with it is also very helpful. Even though it's completely safe and you don't need a prescription doctor to give you all of that, it's important that you do a research of your own. Minerals are important, but for this case, lithium is the one to acquire first and foremost.
Exercising daily is important, and a good sleep each night is as well. By doing that each day, your body will get healthier and healthier, and things will hopefully start getting automatically positive
It's a threshold, the first step into having a successful life, but it's an important first step.

Thinking negatively each day makes us lose more brain cells, whenever we put ourselves down, until we find out as time goes by that our depression has gone much worse than it ever was and things suddenly become impossible to fix. The hippocampus starts shrinking, the memory starts getting worse, our cognitive ability weakens, and those effects will show and you will notice them, and then you'll take it as evidence of incompetence (False/unreal incompetence!), and things will only continue to go south, unless we stop right then and there.

That should be your main focus right now, and then comes the other stuff! In order to be better in life, the person should be feeling better and healthy first. Like in an airplane, they tell you to first fasten your seatbelt or help yourself first before you help others, because this way, one or two people will survive instead of none, because by making sure you're safe, you were able to help the ones next to you. By making sure of your well-being, you'll be able to be affective in the outside world

All the very best! And I hope you get the answers you deserve on this site and anywhere in life!

[Skeezyks]

Hello BDDX: I see this is your first post, here on PC... so... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Happiness is an inside job. I took the power back a long time ago.. i no longer make owning or obtaining as factors in my happiness. Life changes and everything changes... it is being happy inside that counts. Joy is something you have to learn and possess. A counselor can help you with this, a spiritual director we call them... tc and blessings