[cryingontheinside]

I'm finding it hard putting on that brave face, pretending to be happy when I'm clearly not. I feel like when you have children you have to hide your depression but to be honest that is making me more depressed. I'm even craving drugs. I know that's bad but I have no control over the craving. The more depressed I am the more I crave . I'm not planning on acting on my cravings but I am feeling very vulnerable . on the surface I am a functioning good mother but underneath I am crumbling and falling apart. Can anyone relate? I need someone who can relate maybe to pm and discuss further . I'm struggling so much? Anyone out there feel similar?

Sent from my GT-S6810P using Tapatalk

[elevatedsoul]

my cravings soar at these kind of periods too...
i dont have any kids so i can't really give any advice, just that i know what you mean...
i am constantly around someone, so i have to try hard to wear specific masks... sometimes it leaks out though, and i try to just hide when that happens but it usually doesnt work

are you seeing a therapist?
they might could help

i wish i had good advice...

[basicgoodness]

I am the depressed parent of two teenagers, 16 and 19. I feel guilty for not being as emotionally available as I should be. I sometimes wonder if they would even miss me if I were gone. I think they would.

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by basicgoodness

I am the depressed parent of two teenagers, 16 and 19. I feel guilty for not being as emotionally available as I should be. I sometimes wonder if they would even miss me if I were gone. I think they would.

They would miss you and mine would miss me. Its hard though when you're a parent but also get suicidal thoughts . I want to save myself from this life but don't want to inflict pain on my children by doing it

Sent from my GT-S6810P using Tapatalk

[Crook32]

I have a 7 and 5 year old. It has been very hard. I have been trying to isolate less and be around my kids more. I get very irritable and have a short fuse though so I try not to take it out on them. I have thought a lot about not being around anymore. My youngest the other night said to me though "I love you mama and I don't want you to go anywhere". That almost made me cry.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[StillIntending]

My mother refuses to admit it, but I am certain she has depression. I've urged her to seek a therapist for herself if not for me (she refuses to believe my depression is anything to speak of also) and she won't. The effect on our family dynamic, and especially between her and me, is very large. My siblings and I, mostly I as I'm the oldest, serve as her only emotional support. To some extent, her husband and my father does too, but not as much. She needs us very desperately because she isolates herself from everyone else. I've also urged her to make friends outside the family and she doesn't seem motivated to do that either. I'm leaving for college in about five months now and I'm very worried about what will happen to her when I'm gone. I'm afraid she won't really let me start a life and will try to keep me engaged too much in hers. I feel that she hasn't been a very good emotional support for me because I've had to emotionally support her. For my own needs, I've had to rely entirely on friends, people who weren't even in my life before a few years ago now.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you're not seeking professional help, then definitely do that. And try to surround yourself with supportive people. Your spouse should definitely be high on that list, but no one person can be the full support for someone with depression. It's ok to let your kids help (if they're old enough to), but please don't make them the basis of your support. They need you as much as you need them and it damages them if they feel they can't get support from their parents.

Does that make any sense? I'm sorry if it doesn't. I'm just giving you my own family story I guess. Hopefully it's ok that I'm from the child end and not the parent.

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by StillIntending

My mother refuses to admit it, but I am certain she has depression. I've urged her to seek a therapist for herself if not for me (she refuses to believe my depression is anything to speak of also) and she won't. The effect on our family dynamic, and especially between her and me, is very large. My siblings and I, mostly I as I'm the oldest, serve as her only emotional support. To some extent, her husband and my father does too, but not as much. She needs us very desperately because she isolates herself from everyone else. I've also urged her to make friends outside the family and she doesn't seem motivated to do that either. I'm leaving for college in about five months now and I'm very worried about what will happen to her when I'm gone. I'm afraid she won't really let me start a life and will try to keep me engaged too much in hers. I feel that she hasn't been a very good emotional support for me because I've had to emotionally support her. For my own needs, I've had to rely entirely on friends, people who weren't even in my life before a few years ago now.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you're not seeking professional help, then definitely do that. And try to surround yourself with supportive people. Your spouse should definitely be high on that list, but no one person can be the full support for someone with depression. It's ok to let your kids help (if they're old enough to), but please don't make them the basis of your support. They need you as much as you need them and it damages them if they feel they can't get support from their parents.

Does that make any sense? I'm sorry if it doesn't. I'm just giving you my own family story I guess. Hopefully it's ok that I'm from the child end and not the parent.

My children are 11 and 14. I don't use them for support , I never would do that. I do have borderline personality disorder and I really struggle sometimes but the children always comes first. Its only my own needs that I neglect. My parents and sister are supportive . I also have a pdoc and can access support from professionals . I'm doing an okay job with my children , they only stay with me part time , I can hold myself together when I'm with them even though I'm crumbling on the inside. When I'm alone I struggle more because they give me a reason to want to be motivated , just by being there , they because they light up my life. But when I'm on my own I don't bother with anything and I neglect myself. I really appreciate your comments and your point of view. Thank you

Sent from my GT-S6810P using Tapatalk

[lily68]

Yes I know exactly how you feel. I am experiencing a pretty severe bout of depression as a result of my divorce; however I have actually suffered from anxiety/depression since college. Difference is, before it was manageable and I felt mostly normal. Now I definitely do not feel normal, I suffer daily, and I have a 16 year old son. It is a lot of pressure to put on a happy face, so to speak, and it takes a lot of energy to behave in a relaxed manor so that my issues don't rub off on him. In fact, I worry incessantly that he will end up with the same problems as me. It is a never-ending, vicious cycle.

I am working hard to make myself better. I am seeing a therapist, and I am in the process of finding the right med(s) so that I can pull myself out of this. Even in my darkest moments I feel a sense of hope. Doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's true. There is always hope, and there is help. I know I deserve a better life than this, and I know I will get there. You will too. It's okay to be vulnerable. You might have to step out of you comfort zone a bit to fight for what you need, but it is worth it.

[DarkenedSoul]

I can totally relate. I am a single SAHM mom of 3 teens. It gets really tiresome having to put the fake smile on every day. Sadly the past couple of weeks, it's been horrible and they know it. They know that I have bouts with depression and they understand where it all stems from. I don't lean on them for support because I feel it's my burden and not theirs. But they often do anything they can to try and "cheer me up".

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I grew up with a depressed parent who had a full-on nervous breakdown after I moved out.

I know I've never been sympathetic, if anything, I was an evil little thing who liked it when she was having a depresive episode because I could finally be left alone for a little bit, and didn't have to report my every movement to her, she wasn't around to say no if I wanted to watch TV, etc. That inherent narcissism comes out in particular whenever she would try to talk to me about the whole "putting on a fake smile" thing, or talked to me about her dysfunctional upbringing. It's always unnerved me, made me feel guilty. I never know what to say. I know it's wrong to feel that way, but I can't help it. Even now I have minimal sympathy for her psychiatric struggles, except guilt that I may have caused them.

At the same time, it terrified me. I'm used to hearing someone blithely talk about suicide and when I was younger I would sometimes keep vigil if I was afraid she was going to kill herself; if she was late picking me up I would worry she had finally done it. And spending all summer inside because your mom sleeps 22 hours a day is...weird, I now realize.

[WrkNPrgress]

I'm in the same boat as StillIntending, and others and the child of a a Mother who has been chronically depressed my whole life. She has kept it together well, always functional, keeping a job, doing school functions with us, but just very often sad and emotionally unavailable.

For me as a child, it was the fact that this obvious illness wan't spoken about directly is what hurt me the most. On top of that my Grandmother, surviving through the Depression era, didn't understand it at all and often treated Mom like she was wrong for being ill. I know my they were both trying to protect me I ended up internalizing everything that was unspoken. Kids are perceptive. They know when Mom is off, or unavailable. When something is wrong or missing, the child feels like something is out of control. They will make up stories for it in their head, in turn they internalize the damage in order to control it.

Depression is an illness just as insidious as cancer, IMO, but it's comes with extra shame and stigmatization. My mother is in her late 70s now and loosing her physical abilities, but she finally has a doctor to call her illness for what it is. She's been diagnosed and is getting medication and we're finally talking about it all on a real level. I know there's not much I can't tell you how much of a huge relief that is to me.

I am here to tell you that self-care is the best thing a parent can do for their children. Talk to your doctor, get medication if you need it and PLEASE find a good therapist, perhaps one that has experience with families. In time you may be able to talk to your kids about it all in a way that doesn't burden them. You can talk to a therapist about how best treat the issue, get what YOU need, and still provide for your family.

The fact that you're here, asking questions tells me you're trying to find a way. There is one, but you'll need to figure out what works best for YOU. Depression is a real illness but it isn't the End.