I'm tired

I feel i'm right at the end of the road, i reached a point where i'm just so tired... tired of walking, tired of talking, tired of breathing. I feel like i'm walking through a dark endless tunnel alone. Yesterday I broke, my mind was screaming to just end it. but i didn't take action, because i knew how my few very close friends would feel if i did. i don't want them to go through that, but i don't know what to do then, because i just can barely take another day of living like this. it's so selfish of me to think this way. but i know that my friends, and everyone will do just fine without me later on in the future...
but of part of me if telling me to end it, and a part of me is telling me to not. and the part of me that is telling me to not do it, is the reason i'm typing up this message right now. i'm not sure how this will help me, but i guess i feel the tiniest bit better venting about this

Anoncat, your despair is palpable.

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. Have you spoken to a doctor about how you feel? If not, there are treatments that can help you feel like you again.

In the meantime, if typing here has helped, even a little, I urge you to phone a crisis or support line. Numbers for helplines in your country will be in the sticky at the top of this forum.

The other day I phoned the Samaritans (the helpline for uk) with some similar thoughts to what you have described. They really helped me to explore how and why I'm thinking this way. The lady did not judge or offer opinions, but discussing it helped me release the pressure and the thoughts have had less power since then.

I hope so much that you can get the support you need and deserve.

While you're alive, there is still a chance of healing.

I hope you find some stability and peace of mind soon. There are many of us in your situation, just struggling from day to day to keep our heads above water. May you experience some relief from the pain you are going through.

Do you have mental healthcare help? A psychiatrist? A therapist? Even your family doctor is a good place to turn.