Yeah guys, It's been a while.
I thought I would change. I re-embarked on the acting gig. I tried being happy, screaming but it doesn't seem to hold anyone. It's been lonely for a long time, and I pretended to stay happy;still. I can't hold it anymore, I want to cry now, but the tears won't come. When you try to change, the world puts you in your place. I can't change, I am choked up now. I don't want to be a bother anymore, Now I envy the dead. **** everything and **** my life. Only If I could..... but I am not strong. I am sorry, I am a failure.

[sunbeem]

Oh you are not a failure. Are you seeing a therapist? You can't pretend to be happy it will make you feel worse. You need to cry it will get some of the stuff a little better. Who are you as bother too? Not the people on here. Please keep posting you have friends here.

[DayAtATime1]

[QUOTE=alfacristofori;5063974
Now I envy the dead. **** everything and **** my life. Only If I could..... but I am not strong. I am sorry, I am a failure.[/QUOTE]

I feel the same way. Doubt that does much to comfort you... Wish I had answers for us, other than the obvious (therapist, pdoc, exercise etc). I sooo much want to die, but there's this minuscule part of me that wants to survive. It's so ******* hard!

[Fizzyo]

Originally Posted by alfacristofori

Yeah guys, It's been a while.
I thought I would change. I re-embarked on the acting gig. I tried being happy, screaming but it doesn't seem to hold anyone. It's been lonely for a long time, and I pretended to stay happy;still. I can't hold it anymore, I want to cry now, but the tears won't come. When you try to change, the world puts you in your place. I can't change, I am choked up now. I don't want to be a bother anymore, Now I envy the dead. **** everything and **** my life. Only If I could..... but I am not strong. I am sorry, I am a failure.

Sometimes when I feel so desperate but I can't cry, if I phone a help line and they help me to start talking, the tears come and the release really helps.

[Fuzzybear]