[guiltier65]

I am so good at isolating and yet am so lonely. I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to friends that I've pushed away so many times. When I am in pain, my instinct is to withdraw into myself so that I don't hurt people I love. It is so deeply ingrained in me, I don't know how to reach out anymore. After support group on Monday, I was really hurting and admitted that to the group. We did our usual group hug, but I was hurt because no one approached me to offer any kind of support. I have concluded that I tend to wear my pain like an invisible shield. No one dares to approach me because they mistake my pain for haughtiness or anger. It only serves to deepen the pain, the longing for someone to hug me to ease the pain even a little. I feel so alone today.

[dexter]

I feel the same guiltier that is a very good description of what is going on with me especially the "invisible shield" part.

In my case I think it is all internal not an attempt to protect my friends. I truly think it is for me a form of self harm brought on by my depression. Iknow my depression lies to me and is trying to make me suicidal and it really feels like the depression forces me to isolate and put up that shield so that it can turn around and whisper to me "see no one wants to talk to you or help you"

I'm in the midst of it and I don't have a solution. Understanding what I am feeling hasn't helped me talk or interact with my coworkers. I am trying hard to talk at support groups and to try to socialize with the people in the partial hospital program with me.

It is very difficult but I think all we can do is keep trying and keep seeking new ways to try and that might help.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by guiltier65

I am so good at isolating and yet am so lonely. I'm trying to figure out how to reach out to friends that I've pushed away so many times. When I am in pain, my instinct is to withdraw into myself so that I don't hurt people I love. It is so deeply ingrained in me, I don't know how to reach out anymore. After support group on Monday, I was really hurting and admitted that to the group. We did our usual group hug, but I was hurt because no one approached me to offer any kind of support. I have concluded that I tend to wear my pain like an invisible shield. No one dares to approach me because they mistake my pain for haughtiness or anger. It only serves to deepen the pain, the longing for someone to hug me to ease the pain even a little. I feel so alone today.

I am sorry for your pain...it is terrible...I let it hang out recently and no one came to help me...I was hurt...are your friends afraid of you

[guiltier65]

Little Turtle, I'm sorry you were hurt by the thoughtlessness of others. I think sometimes my friends are afraid of the anger i can't always control. I have a terribly biting tongue that gets away from me at times when I'm really down. In fact, today is one of those days when i really have to keep my filters functional. It would be too easy just to turn it loose and let the chips fall where they may.

I can empathize with your experiences. Had my fair share of such experiences. Still do. I'll admit emotional pain (psychache) have sometimes a narcisisstic quality to it, yet points to some sort of unmet, unrecognized and unresolved psychological need. The failure of satisfying this particular psychological need had a devastating effect which is followed by wrongfully identifying with the experience and internalizing this experience. Nonetheless, in terms of our shared experience, I think it is best to think of this pain as having an evolutionary function emphasising the need for change or adaptation. Unfortuantely as we all know this is quite difficult, as u said guiltier, it is ingrained in you, habitually of course. And behavioral strategies such as avoidance and withdrewal won't go quietly and gently into the night. But anyhows, I don't think others can fix or correct what we ultimately perceive our flaw or fault to be. It always comes back to the self, even to the extend that we may even be responsible for creating our own suffering. But I see you guys, I recognise and acknowledge your pain. The solution it seems is only found internally. External things, objects or people only give temporary relief, from what I experienced.

[Fuzzybear]

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by guiltier65

Little Turtle, I'm sorry you were hurt by the thoughtlessness of others. I think sometimes my friends are afraid of the anger i can't always control. I have a terribly biting tongue that gets away from me at times when I'm really down. In fact, today is one of those days when i really have to keep my filters functional. It would be too easy just to turn it loose and let the chips fall where they may.

guiltier---I have a lot of anger ....about all kinds of things that are happening to us humans and us with depression....I have a hard time crying in front of others..

[guiltier65]

Originally Posted by little turtle

guiltier---I have a lot of anger ....about all kinds of things that are happening to us humans and us with depression....I have a hard time crying in front of others..

Little Turtle, I know what you mean.... I can't let myself cry period. I may get choked up fairly easily, but I stuff it back down and don't let it happen.