[sinking]

I dont know why im writing here, maybe to feel less alone, maybe hoping someone can help... i dont know...

i keep falling apart, falling into depression more and more, and i only get to the bare minimum out of it, i get to keep my mouth out of the water by going back to my negative coping techniques (SH, drinking, pills)

im scared... feeling guilty, frustrated... like someone is wrippping my heart out. when will this end?

and do i really want it to end? its kind of part of my identity. am i making any sense here?

i talk about this with my T but nothing comes out of it.
thanks

you are making sense
it's like me and SI.

SI is part of my identity (it's not like i made it, these things just happen)

i try to stop, try to find other healthy alternatives, but i always end up back where i started from... it's part of my life

so yes you are making a lot of sense

do continue to post here- we all want to help the best we can

[Skeezyks]

>>>

[TishaBuv]

Up you go!

[sinking]

Thank you, im a little better, or at least able to talk about it now...

i just feel like i want to explode and let everything out in the light, you know?

[DayAtATime1]

It's exhausting living with D. My body and mind have atrophied so much over the last 3 years. I am so physically out of shape - it's almost embarrassing. And the endless cycle goes on: I feel depressed, so I do as little as possible, my health deteriorates which just feeds the depression! Sorry for this pointless whining...

[ExhaustedMom]

At least, we get to be honest here! With family, friends and work, I find myself constantly pretending I'm okay when I'm not. It drains all my energy.

Depression is a vicious cycle. It's very hard to snap out of it. I have coping mechanism but let's face it, there are days, where my coping skills are useless.

For example, I'll try meditating but I can't calm my mind.

So now that I've fallen, I keep asking myself how on earth do I get myself back up. But the stress/anxiety/fatigue just keeps that vicious cycle going...

[basicgoodness]

The worst for me is keeping everything hidden from my 16-year old son. I pick him up from school every day feeling like crap, but I can't say anything about it. Being in the car is an opportunity to interact with him, but we usually drive home in silence because I am so depressed. I think he knows that not all is well with me. That I am isolated and frustrated with my work situation and feel like a total failure in life. But he told me the other day that I am the heart and soul of our family, which really surprised me.

[sinking]

I dont keep my real feelings much to any of my family but to the others i do. and i dont tell anyone about my SH and drinking if not to my T. today im bingeing. i feel so disgusted by myself

[Fizzyo]

(((((Sinking))))))
Keep talking to us sinking, we are interested and want to give support. I'm glad you're back.

[sinking]

APATHY.
thats my problem and i wouldnt mind it much if it wasnt hurting my family too.

how do i get interested to things? motivated to live?

[DayAtATime1]

I'm having a BAD day. I totally understand your feelings of apathy as I lay in bed typing this...

[Fizzyo]

((((((((((Sinking)))))))))) ((((((((((DayAtATime))))))))))