[SallyWeiss]

I never wanted to take medication. I did it because I was truly desperate. After a few months, I wanted to stop but my doctors were insistent that I take them for the rest of my life and so three years later I was still taking them. Then I decided, that was it, I wanted to start my life over - a life without medication and a life without depression and ocd. I felt great so it was easy to pretend that I was mentally healthy. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of stopping my high dose abruptly, instead of tapering off in 5 months like I was told to. I was dizzy and nauseous for a week but that pales in comparison to the amount of anxiety I have experienced the past month. I'm currently suffering days of such extreme anxiety that my whole body is sore from being so tense and shaky. I have missed work either because I have been too busy crying or I just don't care enough to deal with life. I feel lonely and sad all the time. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for next week and I am going to beg to be put back on medication. I'm counting down the days till my appointment and knowing that I will have my meds back is probably the only thing that is keeping me from giving up. Doctors, with their set work schedules, multiple patients, and routine questions, I wonder if they really realize how much we depend on them and how sometimes it is the promise of the relief they may provide that keeps us alive. I certainly couldn't handle that kind of pressure. But then again, I can barely handle getting out of bed in the mornings. I truly deceived myself thinking that I could be normal and happy just like everyone else. Isn't depression something that is supposed to only occur once or twice? Why is it that my life is defined by never ending sadness without pills? It's also amazing how quickly we can forget what it feels like to be stable and happy. During a bout of anxiety or depression, it certainly feels like it will last forever. But it's almost true for me? Why is it that doctors ask me how many times I've had a bout of depression and my answer is: oh just once, but it lasted for years and years, and apparently if I stop taking medication, it will continue for years and years?

[basicgoodness]

I hope getting back on meds helps with your depression and anxiety. I feel like meds have stopped working for me. I will see my pdoc today about a change in meds, but I am not optimistic that anything will work at this point. I agree how it is difficult to remember what it feels like to be stable and happy when you're depressed. I am afraid I will be this way for the duration, which is a scary thought.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Isn't depression something that is supposed to only occur once or twice? Not always. If the meds help so be it. I understand that meds and therapy are the best combination. Such anxiety must be very hard to bear. I hope you can find some help.

[apatheticblues]

I feel where you are coming from. When I first started having episodes of depression (30 years ago) I never wanted to stay on any antidepressants long term. When something happened to cause me to become depressed I would start taking the pills again then after a couple of months wean off them.
Eventually my Dr. switched me over to EffexorXR. I have been taking it for probably close to ten years. Twice I weaned myself off but found out that taking it even when I felt I didn't need it seemed to keep me on a more even keel emotionally. Plus, when I did have an episode of depression I was able to get over it faster by staying on the Effexor daily.