[LoneStar00]

Hello everyone! I'm new to posting but I have been browsing around here alot. I can relate to many of you. I guess I just need to vent . I suffer from post traumatic stress , depression, and social anxiety. I currently have a job at a call center. I feel like I can't take it there anymore. It takes everything in me to go to work every morning. I have to force myself so much that I'm vomiting every morning. My body hurts, I'm tired and I just can't get motivated enough to move. I think about my job all day long. To the point i'm restless at night because I know I have to work in the morning. I get to work late sometimes because I have to talk myself into going every day. I'm starting to get called in the office more and more about "behavior" problems. I guess someone went and told a supervisor I was rude to them. I know when I come to work, anyone I past by and make contact with, i at least smile and speak. I play my role very well hiding behind a mask at work and around family. The last thing I want to do is make small talk with someone and be all awkward, but I've been getting by. So I got called into my supervisor office yesterday, and someone labeled me as "rude" That someone is a lady who was standing behind me and I asked who she was. She was making me real uncomfortable just standing behind me while I was working so I tried to make conversation. It seemed to upset her that I questioned her identity and she told a supervisor about it. I know for a fact I'm not a rude person but because of my social anxiety I don't talk as much as others do and being too close to people I don't know freaks me out. All the supervisors have their favorite workers there who can get away with anything and are slackers. My phone rings off the hook at work and some people let theirs ring. I take all my calls. I've not once complained or anything but trouble always seem to find me. It happens with all my jobs and then I start breaking down and my depression gets worse. I always end up getting fired for behavior issues and attendence or I just stop going to work because I can't take it anymore. I often say to myself, is this it? Is this all to life? Go to work, get treated poorly, and do it all over again. I have no problems with working. But it's the people I have to work with that always creates a problem. I really need my job to take care of my family, but at this point I don't know what to do. I was thinking about telling my supervisor about my mental illness, but what if she uses against me? I know they're NOT going to accommodate me. What are they going to do, give me my own office? Get real! I already feel like they're picking on me as it is. I stay in her office a lot. And the thing is, I'm not in there for things I'm doing wrong job related. I just had my performance evaluation and it was all good. It's the he say, she say stuff. The rumors that's getting back to her. I feel like I'm in high school all over again. I can't help that I'm not very social and just want to do my job and go home. So now when I go to work, I know i'm on the **** list and it shows. I still don't know who that lady was, but she had some kind of power there, and she's using it well. Im called into the office more frequently for little things. At this point I know they're working to get rid of me. I want to save my job, but not at the cost of revealing my diagnoses because none of your information is kept confidential there. As soon as I tell my supervisor the whole office will call me crazy. I know it'll get out. Everybody knows everybody business. I just feel stuck in this hell called life

[basicgoodness]

Welcome to Psych Central! I know how awful it feels to be stuck in a job you hate. It is a recipe for depression. Andrew Solomon said in his book The Noonday Demon that depression often results from feeling trapped and humiliated. That sounds like your situation and a lot of other people who have to earn a paycheck. I am also stuck in a job I dislike intensely. I need to get out but it is very late in my career and I feel my options are limited. I would encourage you to take some action to find another job, as difficult as that may be while depressed. I hope you can improve your situation.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by LoneStar00

I have to force myself so much that I'm vomiting every morning. ...

At this point I know they're working to get rid of me. I want to save my job, but not at the cost of revealing my diagnoses because none of your information is kept confidential there.

Your situation raises many concerns. I suspect you are the target of workplace bullying. Do you want to fight for your job or just leave? Searching on "workplace bullying" may help you decide what to do.

Please look after yourself.

[Skeezyks]

Hello LoneStar00: The Skeezyks welcomes you to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult work situation. I don't work any more. But I remember how difficult it was for me at times. I hope you are able to find a solution.

[LoneStar00]

Thank you all for your kind words. I have tried twice to get disability but it seems hard to get if you don't have a good doctor to help you. So i do what I have to do. Everyday its a constant struggle. Just people passing by my cubicle or someone walking up to me while I'm taking a call causes severe anxiety. When i try to be sociable it seems i never say the right things. I hate being the center of attention. I try to avoid it and now im labeled as rude at work. I already have constant negative thoughts in my head. This doesn't make me feel any better and makes me want to avoid work more. Every job i get, itll be the same way. Unless i can get a job with no people interactions but I've yet to find one. I'm lucky to have the job i got now. Right now its 10:20. I gotta go to work in 30 minutes and I still haven't convinced myself enough yet that this is worth it. Every morning its the same thing. I feel nauseated and I replay things that's happened at work in my head over and over. Sometimes I change the outcomes in my head to give me some kind of motivation to go. Telling myself i got bills to pay is just not enough anymore. Is it worth it for me to go to work and suffer through at least 2-3 panic attacks just to pay pills. I feel this is taking a toll on my health. On my way to work sometimes i wish a big truck or something will hit me. If this is all life has to offer me then I don't want it anymore.

[LoneStar00]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Your situation raises many concerns. I suspect you are the target of workplace bullying. Do you want to fight for your job or just leave? Searching on "workplace bullying" may help you decide what to do.

Please look after yourself.

I believe i am being bullied. It isn't worth fighting for but I gotta have a roof over my head and feed my family. No matter where i work i will always have social anxiety. Meds not helping. I just cant deal with the public. I tend to isolate myself from others.

[basicgoodness]

You should have my job. I work from home with little contact with people and it's making me insane. Maybe you would like it, but I doubt it. I doubt anyone would. I need to start looking for something else, something that would get me out of the house. In the meantime, the weather is warming up and I go for long bike rides, read a lot and take the dogs for a walk. But it really sucks, this isolation.

[Clara22]

If you have a disability you are entitled to accommodations by law. Maybe you can discretely get advice from a mental disability rights NGO or from an independent living center

Isn't your mental issue confidential information at work?

If you confide in your boss (or your boss's boss even) and make sure that they know that they are the ONLY person you have told, then at least you will have some kind of leverage should the work spread.

It sound to me that you would be better off, not only for job security reasons, but because people need to be able to understand in order to help you. Both now and in the event of "reorganization" (or whatever they want to call it)