[suzy190]

This is something I'm dealing with for years- and it seems unsuccessful I'm 31,female without a partner, been like that for years, looking for a job for 2 years (having a degree in Education), without real friends (have one friend living in Australia, I'm in Europe), living in town where 95% are people age 60+ and where people normally find a partner in high school and stick to them cuz they know they won't have much chance after. And as that is not enough, I have so strong feelings of guilt. Feeling that I'm simple a failure who can't find a partner, a job, friends. I have some acquaintances and we just say hi when we meet on the street and walk away, they are all in a hurry. I am not shy, I can start a conversation with strangers, but mostly they are shallow talks, chit chats. I just don't know how to make deeper bonds with people.
I was always more introvert, never did clubbing, that doesn't interest me. My one and only hobby is learning foreign languages. They don't have any courses in my area for me to join and meet some new people like that.

I guess my depression started in 2004. That is the year when everything went downhill for me. I was engaged back then, he left me for another woman and ever since then I'm only attracting men who want an affair or having issues with themselves so I can't help them so they dump me for another woman. I just don't know how to attract the right one, who is respectful, loving and caring. Other thing that happen in 2004 was that I wasn't accepted in college I wanted to. I wanted to study languages. Instead I studied Education. Not bad but the job offers are zero. I live in a country with 2 million inhabitants and jobs are mostly given by family ties. I have no relatives here (only my parents). My mom also lost her job in 2004, got diagnosed with RA, the situation was really bad. My dad never really cared too much, he is alcoholic who denies he has a problem his whole life. And my mom is really the most loving and caring person.

So I finished college by the age of 25, have 2 years of work experiences and that is about it. I just want to work, be useful, have that feeling that I am capable of living alone, by myself, without any financial help. As far as looking for a partner, I am looking for him online. Was dating someone for 3 months last year, no sex, just dating and talking. He was starting to be rude and disrespectful and was flirting with a woman with whom he was in a relationship with just to make me jealous so I would fight for him- I left him cuz I think I deserve better. But to tell the truth, I am sick of always looking, searching. Im fed up sometimes. Have no will. And years go by so fast it's scaring. I want to start living, have a life, be happy. I just don't know how, I just want to have something I can hold on to and now everything seems so hopeless, it is like I am tied and can't move.

[shamon86]

Oh Suzy I wish I had an answer for you. A lot of what you say I can understand. Why try so hard when it feels worthless? I started going downhill about 10 years ago. My mom passed and it started a ball rolling that just couldn't be stopped. Bills started to pile up, we (my dad and 2 brothers) were going to loose the house i grew up it. After dating a woman for 3 months they got married and dad decided to let the bank foreclose on our house. I had to find a place to live... It was just a mess. And now I feel like a mess. I'll be 30 in August and I've got nothing to show for it. Not financially independant although I am lucky enough to have a steady job. I've never been with anyone, no first kiss nothing. I have no friends. Even if I did they would probably think I'm crazy. And what's the point now? Nobody wants or needs me. Sorry to vent on your post, I just want you to know I understand.

[adam_k]

It hurts to be alone. For me its the most painful feeling.

After a set of bad relationships I tried an online dating site. That is how I met my wife. this just clicked and we had a lot of common interest.

Are there any towns nearby that you could find someone? Maybe try a speed dating event, or spend the day there talking to people and see if you can make a connection?

[suzy190]

Originally Posted by adam_k

It hurts to be alone. For me its the most painful feeling.

After a set of bad relationships I tried an online dating site. That is how I met my wife. this just clicked and we had a lot of common interest.

Are there any towns nearby that you could find someone? Maybe try a speed dating event, or spend the day there talking to people and see if you can make a connection?

Yes, loneliness is killing me. I am trying online dating as well, for few years now. Met some guys like that went on couple of drinks and that's about it. Somehow it just didn't 'click'. Actually after break-up in 2004 I've never had real relationship. And yes, I dealt with the past, I even forgave him, everything to move on with my life. But luck has not been on my side. 12 years now. Geez when I realize how many years have passed, I become anxious. I'm just asking myself the same question all over again- What am I doing wrong, what should I be doing that I'm not etc. It is real torture

The nearest town is an hour away, I usually take a train. After college I rarely go because at day time nothing really is going on and evenings I can't go because there is no train back. I have a car but I don't have much experiences driving I realize that is a bit my fault cuz I don't drive much but there is no need to it, so I lost the motivation. But I'm improving, so I get in the car more often
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[adam_k]

It sounds like the dating pool is quite limited for you which makes it hard. Maybe there isn't anything your doing wrong but you just haven't crossed paths with the one that is right for you.

It's nice you are driving more. Maybe that will help. It's something to do and if you visit more places maybe you find people that you can relate to.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by suzy190

This is something I'm dealing with for years- and it seems unsuccessful I'm 31,female without a partner, been like that for years, looking for a job for 2 years (having a degree in Education), without real friends (have one friend living in Australia, I'm in Europe), living in town where 95% are people age 60+ and where people normally find a partner in high school and stick to them cuz they know they won't have much chance after. And as that is not enough, I have so strong feelings of guilt. Feeling that I'm simple a failure who can't find a partner, a job, friends. I have some acquaintances and we just say hi when we meet on the street and walk away, they are all in a hurry. I am not shy, I can start a conversation with strangers, but mostly they are shallow talks, chit chats. I just don't know how to make deeper bonds with people.
I was always more introvert, never did clubbing, that doesn't interest me. My one and only hobby is learning foreign languages. They don't have any courses in my area for me to join and meet some new people like that.

I guess my depression started in 2004. That is the year when everything went downhill for me. I was engaged back then, he left me for another woman and ever since then I'm only attracting men who want an affair or having issues with themselves so I can't help them so they dump me for another woman. I just don't know how to attract the right one, who is respectful, loving and caring. Other thing that happen in 2004 was that I wasn't accepted in college I wanted to. I wanted to study languages. Instead I studied Education. Not bad but the job offers are zero. I live in a country with 2 million inhabitants and jobs are mostly given by family ties. I have no relatives here (only my parents). My mom also lost her job in 2004, got diagnosed with RA, the situation was really bad. My dad never really cared too much, he is alcoholic who denies he has a problem his whole life. And my mom is really the most loving and caring person.

So I finished college by the age of 25, have 2 years of work experiences and that is about it. I just want to work, be useful, have that feeling that I am capable of living alone, by myself, without any financial help. As far as looking for a partner, I am looking for him online. Was dating someone for 3 months last year, no sex, just dating and talking. He was starting to be rude and disrespectful and was flirting with a woman with whom he was in a relationship with just to make me jealous so I would fight for him- I left him cuz I think I deserve better. But to tell the truth, I am sick of always looking, searching. Im fed up sometimes. Have no will. And years go by so fast it's scaring. I want to start living, have a life, be happy. I just don't know how, I just want to have something I can hold on to and now everything seems so hopeless, it is like I am tied and can't move.

Hi Suzie,
Thanks a lot for sharing. Would you consider the possibility of going overseas?