[sarah5147]

I'm a loner. I've always had just a couple of close friends and that's it. I've never been a group person, never been an active person, never had hobbies etc. I'm in my mid 30's and am single, no kids. My few close friends are generally from high school or college and have kids, families, and live away from where I am. My family has a strong history of depression and bipolar. My mom worries about me a lot but she has been battling major depression for the past few years, my dad spends his time helping keep her up and moving and be there for her. My brother has his own medical issues and is married with kids. My one best friend who I know would always be there for me and has great insight has her own major medical issues she's been dealing with and I hate to bug her with my stuff all the time; what's she's dealing with is way worse. I don't fit in at work with anyone and when I'm down I just tend to hibernate and isolate. I have a great Tdoc and a good PDoc but obviously I can't rely on them to keep me out of the black hole and be available constantly when I'm at the bottom of the pit.

Where do i turn? I Need someone who can understand and not just tell me to just think positive. I need to have some "rational" conversations, but who can I lean on? Who can I talk to when things go bad? I feel alone, even though there are people around.

I have been off work for the past 3 weeks and haven't told anyone in my family. I don't want to get them all riled up, they have their own stuff they need to concentrate on. My therapist just told me she thinks I need to go inpatient somewhere for my depression (or have ECT), my PDoc (I just found out) has labeled me with an alcohol abuse problem (which I do not have by far, others will attest to that) ontop of my depression. I went so far down this time I scared myself. Stopped eating, slept 16-18 hours a day with random pills in the back of my medicine cabinet, and started Cutting. I need to get back to work soon or I will loose my job (including health benefits), I'm sick of lying to my family but the minute I tell them they will hover over me and neglect themselves (and smother me which will make this worse). Is there resource out there I'm not thinking of? I don't want to go inpatient, as that adds a new level/label to me...I've avoided it so far. Any suggestions. Sorry this is so long.

[Fuzzybear]

Our stuff ///////// their stuff

Their labels Belong to Them

In my Humble Opinion

[dexter]

I agree with Fuzzy. Don't compare your stuff with theirs. It is up to them to establish healthy boundaries and communicate them to you in a healthy manner. Some people may harm you along the way--cut those people off of your support list and seek others.

I just shared this in chat, I find it a good list because it is balanced between what we need and what our support people need to do and be aware of to keep the relationship healthy. See if you think it might be helpful to share with a friend.

13 Things To Remember When You Love A Person Who Has Depression | Thought Catalog

[sarah5147]

[QUOTE=dexter;5128093]I agree with Fuzzy. Don't compare your stuff with theirs. It is up to them to establish healthy boundaries and communicate them to you in a healthy manner. Some people may harm you along the way--cut those people off of your support list and seek others.

I just shared this in chat, I find it a good list because it is balanced between what we need and what our support people need to do and be aware of to keep the relationship healthy. See if you think it might be helpful to share with a friend.
----


Thanks. I feel like I don't want being my friend to be a job for them. I've had others who I've called on too much it seems and they find (uncomfortable) ways of not being around me. My ONE friend can't do it all for me and if my family gets involved, trust me, it will only make things worse...for me and them.

coming here is a really good start, when ever you need someone to talk to, their's always going to be someone- and none of us will judge you (most, if not all of us have/ are going through it)

welcome to the site- i hope that it helps you and you make some good friends on here.

[Evaluna]

Sometimes you'd be surprised how much people want to help depsite their own problems. They realise that maybe it's not just them having a hard time of things and its nice to have someone who understands when things aren't working so well.

I was very lucky that when I opened up to my friend (who had a LOT of bad things going on) she was so supportive. I wasn;t asking her for anything, I didn't want to put any more pressure on her, but I just needed her to listen to me, which she did.

I used to talk to myself out loud at home because sometimes just saying things with my voice instead of in my head made me feel better. But when someone can just listen, give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok, thats such a comfort.

Maybe try and speak with your friend, explain how you're feeling and that you really could just do with someone to listen. Everyone has their problems, and while some may have biger ones, everyone's feelings are valid no matter what.

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[adam_k]

I really struggle sometimes and I am able to offer support. In a way it is helpful to me because I feel I can still offer something to someone and it helps fight how worthless I can feel.

Helping people feels good for most people.

I never found talking to make it more of a burden on me. Helping someone move when I am in the pits of depression is an impossible task but I do like to talk and feel connected. Your friend may feel the same way.

You can always ask and try to set reasonable boundaries. I don't think your friend would want you to suffer if a little bit of their time would help you feel not so alone and help your mood.

You sound like your in a bad place and could use a friend to remind you people care about you.

[sarah5147]

Thanks everyone. I talked to her last night, and she was frustrated with me and my ramblings, not in ME so much as what I was saying. She got worked up while I was on the phone with her. After we hung up she texted me saying she was worried she'd made it worse. I assured her she didn't that was just me...caring as usual.

On Wednesday when we talked we planned to talk again on Friday before my PDoc appt to help me gather my thoughts. She said she was glad she didn't have a job right now (unemployed & health issues) so we could talk then. She called me later that night and said she was offered a temp job that would start on Friday and didn't want to take it so we can still talk on Friday. I can't have her feeling like that. I convinced her to take the job and we talked on Thursday night instead. Friday morning I was going to wish her well with her 1st day of new job, and she texted me as soon as she got up because she was worried about me. We live far apart so phone and texting is it for us, but I don't want her not having income because she's worried about me, or not prepping for her job because she's worried about me. That's not right. Plus I have to admit, although I am not a hug sort of person, not having someone to hug or even a hand to squeeze when u feel like crap for this long is really hard. Reminds me how alone I am. Sorry to ramble.